Monday, May 19, 2008

You say you're gettin' old, ... older every day. You ain't but 50...you shouldn't feel that way. -- Big Bill Broonzy, "Gettin' Older Blues"

How ironic is this. While I've been recuperating from my surgery during my daughter-in-law's maternity leave, my best friend Lizzee and I have been trying to get together for a long, much-overdue visit. Even tho we live about 40 miles from each other, we haven't seen one another since around the time Dylan was born two years ago. For one thing, I began baby sitting him on a daily basis when he was 2 1/2 months old and have been pretty limited on doing much of anything during the work week since then. And then she became gravely ill, so ill she came close to dying a few times, and after surgeries and a very long recuperation at home she'd just recently begun venturing out again. We knew I wouldn't be baby sitting during my d-i-l's maternity leave and we'd been looking forward to spending some time together...but then came my unexpected surgery and now it's been my time for staying home recuperating. I'd been feeling a lot better, tho, and we were hoping to get a day this week that worked out for both of us. Then I went to the doctor today and ended up having to have a procedure done....and I got an email from Lizzee tonite telling me she's beginning to have a recurrence of her medical problem...so neither one of us feels up to driving and I don't know if either of us really feels like visiting. Ain't it the way Life goes!

For the most part I've always considered myself a person who looks at Life from the perspective of the glass being half full. But lately. Well, lately I have to remind myself to keep my chin up. To look on the bright side. To make sure the glass isn't half empty instead. That doesn't sit well with me. I don't often get blue or depressed or melancholy. But lately it's been hard to find a lot of positives. Just when I feel like I'm making some progress, something else shows up and it's back to square one again. Nothing major this time, thank goodness, but after today's doctor visit I'm feeling a lot of discomfort and physically I feel like I did about a month ago. But, like I told Dear Hubby when I came home, at least I'm not hurting all over like I was back then. I have my strength and my stamina that I didn't have a month ago, so I'm hoping this little setback will last only a few days and I'll be feeling well everywhere again. I told him I was almost in tears as I walked back out to my truck, so frustrated with the fact that nothing with this health issue I've struggled with the past couple of years ever seems to go easy or according to plan. Most women have my surgery and get healed pretty quickly. Why that isn't true for me, I don't know. So...whatever. I can't change the outcome, so I need to face it, deal with it, and go on. And hope in the next two weeks, when I go see my doctor again, everything's healing the way it should be.

I hate writing 'downer' entries. Everyone has enough problems of their own to deal with. But this is where I come to unload, where I can vent, and I just want to say I'm tired of it. Beyond sick of it. I want to be 100% well and I want to be well now!!!

3 comments:

Sheri said...

I hear ya! I've been struggling with health issues for ten years. I am so sick of being sick and I'm trying so hard to be positive and to be well. Good luck to you. Hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Seems we are in the age group that means we are going to suffer with one thing or another...sorry you are having a hard time of it.

But do rest and REST and R E S T!! I think that heals the body best of all, quite frankly! And listen to not only good music, but music that draws you to the FATHER!! Sometimes I wonder if maybe HE doesn't just want us to slow way down and use the hard times to draw up closer to HIM... Blessings...don't give up...it just takes time and sometimes lots of it. It took me at least 6 weeks to feel like going much of anyplace...and I feel it took extra time of rest that first year especially.
Elizabeth

scargosun said...

We are here for your good times and your bad times. I am sorry about the small set back for you and your friend. I feel the same way sometimes; that you are moveing forward and a pretty good pace then eerrrrch! you get pushed back a few paces. Now I am not a Suzie sunshine or anything but when I stop obsessing balance between the good and the bad, life seems better.