Sometimes, when I come here, that's how I feel. I know I have readers. I know I have a lot of readers, many who come back over and over again. And yet the comments are few. Really, I guess that doesn't matter. But I never have liked one-sided conversations and that's what it's like for me here a lot of the time. Have you ever had a friend -- well, maybe I should say an acquaintance -- someone who you think you might like to get to know better? So you call them up and invite them over or out to lunch? And then you end up being the main conversationalist? In the moments you pause, hoping they'll speak up and add something, they sit and gaze at you expectantly, waiting for you to say more. Like they're someone on a sinking ship, hoping you'll come rescue them. I've had a few like that. A couple of them I've been out with maybe half a dozen times, hoping the tide will turn and they'll loosen up a bit and talk. In all honesty, I am not a great chit-chatter. To carry on one-sided conversations is a huge strain for me. You'd never know it, what with the way I rattle on here but there's a huge difference, you see. I love to write. I hate to talk. I remember coming home from having lunch with someone who never talked much and telling Dear Hubby my tongue actually ached from wagging at both ends. Ugh. I don't 'do' lunches much any more. For one thing, I never have the time. For another, after speaking toddler-talk for 10 or 11 hours a day, by the time I actually have some time to myself I want quiet. I want peace. I want stillness.
I'm not complaining, really, about being alone here. I come here and I decompress. I can talk about anything I want to talk about. I can rant. And rave. And reflect. And think. I can empty out frustration and release stress. I can't really hurt anyone's feelings because no one is here. My body language doesn't come in to play. My facial expressions can't be read wrong. My blank stares out into space aren't going to offend anyone. If I stop in the middle of writing and wander off for a while, no one knows. I can sit here in my comfortable ratty old bathrobe and uncombed hair, sipping coffee and not have to worry about how I look to the outside world. No one sees me. I don't have to smile and be sociable. I can just talk and talk and talk to myself. As much as I want to. No one tells me to shut up or be quiet. Since I've always been content in my own company I enjoy my visits here. I am always welcome. And so are you. I treasure each and every one of you, whoever you are.