Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Well, let's see how far I get with this post. As I sit here on the couch I'm looking out on my busy bird feeders...it's like Grand Central Station out there. I added a hummingbird feeder on Saturday and I don't know if it's the same little Anna hummingbird that comes several times thru the day or several...they all look alike to me. But whether it's one or ten, I love watching them at the feeder. A lot of house sparrows are coming to my other feeders right now, and there was a big brown woodpecker that tried to get on the largest feeder the other day without much luck. Same thing for the big fat squirrel that managed to get down on to the roof of the feeder but couldn't manage to hang on to the slippery plastic and reach for seeds at the same time. Pretty soon he lost the battle and ker-plop...down he went.

My whine session last nite? It was mostly about me beating myself over the head again with Grandma/Mother guilt...having a hard time saying no when it comes to my kids. I don't care how old they get, your kids are forever your kids. I hate to disappoint them but this is one time in my life where, for my own well-being, I needed to say no. My son and his wife are missing Dylan terribly - as we all are - and my son called yesterday asking me if I feel up to taking care of Dylan yet. If I did, they were going to fly down to Dallas and bring Dylan home. Ai yi yi. Well, as much as I'd love to have him back home here, I'm definitely not up to taking care of him just yet. I have GOT to heal. So I asked if they could give me the rest of this week before they go get him. My son said Dylan's heading home late next week anyway so if I wasn't up to it yet, they wouldn't go get him. No, I'm not up to it yet. As hard as it was for me to say it, I did. You know what's funny, tho? As I've gotten older I've learned how to say no but I haven't learned how to be comfortable with it when I do. That's where the guilt comes in. But after two major surgeries in the past 6 months, for once in my life I need to be selfish and give myself time to heal. I just wish people wouldn't tell me one thing, then turn around and change their minds on me. Then I feel like the 'bad guy' when I put the kabosh to it, even tho the original terms were satisfactory for every one involved. *Sigh* But at least they understand and my son told me not to feel bad about it. Even so....I still feel bad.

Ouch. I just checked Dear Hubby's 401K balance and it's about $1300 lower than it was a week ago. All the numbers are in green tho, so that's a good sign. It must've been lower than this balance yesterday. I dunno about the rest of America, but I often wonder just how dire things really are. The media gets a hold of something and works it like a dog with a bone, getting everyone so stirred up and frightened. Not only with the economy but with everything they focus on. My friend Kathie in Australia has told me many times she doesn't even bother to watch the news and sometimes I think that's a pretty wise move. I get so tired of the gloom and doom. I get sick of politics. In fact, we're thinking very seriously about getting rid of Dish TV and getting a converter box. Why spend $70 a month when Dear Hubby spends most of his evenings channel surfing and complaining, "There's nothing to watch on here!" Both he and I are of the generation just before cable TV when there wasn't much beyond ABC, CBS, and NBC to choose from. And you got up and walked over to the TV to change channels or turn the volume up and down. There wasn't the channel surfing there is now, that's for sure.

I've been getting out and doing a lot of walking. What a difference, pushing 20-pound Cooper in a single stroller compared to him and 50-pound Dylan in a double stroller! The rains will be socking us in before long so I'm trying to get out as much as I can. Even thru our damp winters I try to manage to get out between rain showers. And walking in temperatures around 25 or 30 degrees doesn't deter us, either.

I'm preoccupied. Got a lot on my mind this evening. So I'll call it quits, I think, and relax a bit before going to bed.


jutka said...

I'm an other Oregonian, and very much enjoyed reading your blog.

Blog Stalker said...

I like how you said "As I've gotten older I've learned how to say no but I haven't learned how to be comfortable with it when I do."

So true, so true! When you figure out how to avoid the guilt, let me know! i wish sometimes others would just be more considerate so we would not have to say no.
Good luck.

Have a great day!

Loretta said...

I'm the same way. I have a really hard time saying no, and when I do usually end up doing it anyway...there needs to be at least three of me to go around!

Anonymous said...

I hate those situations in life when there is really no perfect solution. It is a fact, however, that there is nothing we can do about the limitations of our bodies.

I do hope your children will find some acceptable other babysitting situations neaby, for times such as this. Being young yet, thry do not realize how fragile we are becoming with age. And that we are going to need to slow down here and there!! Hang in there, dearie!

Jane Doh ! said...

You must heal indeed Miss Kris, Dylan needs you to be 100% as does the rest of the family. As for the news....stick to this place, lol.


Kathie said...

Hello once again Kris,
Why is it that we feel guilty when we say no? I still have a hard time saying it - and then kick myself afterwards when I have been lumbered with extra stuff to do. My own fault really.
I totally agree with you about the television programs. They are getting worse. And guess what? I still dont watch the news or read the newspapers. I have found that I prefer to read books, do my puzzles or play board games with Paul and the kids. The world is changing so fast and we are all becoming so tired of the depressing news that we hear every day. Life is for living - go out and smell the roses. Smile and the world smiles back at you. Take care Kris, make the most of your time to rest. Catch up soon
Love Kathie xx

Suburbia said...

Of course you have to look after yourself but you are suffering from the eternal mummy guilt syndrome!! the bad news is I don't think there's a cure!

Great to hear about the birds that you get and I love the pic!