Saturday, February 28, 2009

Oh my...this one is going to be a book by the time I'm done....

What a strange day. Just...strange. For one, I could not sleep last nite, due to the heavy, heavy burden on my heart I blogged about and then deleted. I finally gave up and got up at 2:30 and turned the coffee on. Dear Hubby joined me for one of our 'slumber parties' but I was not in the mental mood for one so he gave up and went down to his den to read his Bible while I sat on the couch and cried in the dark for a while. Isn't it amazing what a stress-reliever tears are at times? I have a tendency to bottle up tears forever and then, when I have a day I can't contain them any more, I leak them all day long. This was one of those days.

I don't want to go in to what affected me and has had me so upset recently. I am not in the emotional state lately where I can handle comments from people who don't understand and who really don't know me as it is. I don't know if a lot of this roller coaster up and down ride I'm on is a byproduct of entering in to menopause instantly when I had my total hysterectomy last April or what's got me going lately but I'm in a real battle to find some kind of balance in my Life right now. I've touched the surface of it in my blog lately, writing about finding time to read my Bible and to do Yoga to soothe my spirit, but a lot of what's going on is no one's business but my own. I am not writing what I've been writing to even "get" people to comment on here. I never have blogged for that reason. I'm writing what I'm writing to help me sort myself out. I just have to have somewhere to come where no one is in judgment of me and I can 'say' what I want to say, what I need to say, without a thousand interruptions.

I will say a workable solution...tho still a heartbreaking one for all involved...has opened up that will help ease this situation that has been getting worse and worse as time goes on. If you want the whole story, email me and I'll tell you. Not to doesn't have anything to do with family or marriage or anything like that but it's still one that's affecting me deeply on an emotional level. Some people would think it silly. Some people would think it cruel. All I can say is come live a day in my shoes and maybe you'd understand it a little better. I can only do what I can do, I'm finding out. I am not Super Woman. I am not Wonder Woman. I'm just a tired old menopausal nut case blundering along the best she can.

That said, I will move on to other things.

As I was driving home from doing my grocery shopping this morning I noticed the parking lot of a Sav A Lot and Dollar Tree stores was packed to the max with lines of people winding all along the sidewalk. I thought, with the economy, maybe the stores were hiring and these people were applying for work. When Dear Hubby came home from a morning spent with our son I mentioned what I'd seen and he said, "You said a Sav a Lot store?" "Yes,", I told him. "Those weren't people looking for work," he told me. "Sav A Lot stores were giving out free food to the hungry today." Mercy. That set me back a bit. The hungry? And the line was that long?! What is happening in America?! I am not political but I am patriotic. And I don't like what's happening in this beloved country of mine. And that's all I'm going to say.

To get my mind off things, Dear Hubby asked if I'd like to ride along with him to the archery range he belongs to and I said sure. I have some books to read and I thought a change of scenery and "getting out of Dodge," like Dear Hubby calls it when he needs to get out of town for a day or two of R & R, would relax me. It's so peaceful there. The ride along the Columbia was beautiful as it always is, no matter what the season or weather. We spotted deer feeding along the road, swans hunkered down in a sheltered cove out of the east wind along Sauvie Island. Dear Hubby parked the truck back in among some trees and I settled down to read but I was sooooooooooo tired. I stretched out as comfortably as I could and I slept for two hours. Two hours! I never sleep like that. I was so deeply asleep that when Dear Hubby came back from walking the course of the range and exchanged some arrows in the back of the truck's canopy I didn't even stir. I didn't even hear him. And when I awoke, when a woman who lives in the house nearby was shaking some food out of a box for the donkey and horse who pasture across from the range, I thought I'd dozed off for just a few minutes. When Dear Hubby arrived a few minutes later after waking thru the course again and he told me I'd slept for two hours...why, I was speechless! It felt wonderful.

Like my dear bloggy friend Judy I love thrift stores and I'm thrilled when I come across what I consider a great bargain. I've been in need of a new comforter set for our bed since our Chloe dog has slept on top of ours for a long time now and she's infamous for 'scratching' her way to China to find her sleeping spot for the nite. Today I stumbled across one of very good quality in very good shape with colors that will go nicely with the paint in the bedroom. I paid a grand total of $6.99. And when I went in search of a dust ruffle that would hopefully match it, what do I stumble across but the dust ruffle to that particular comforter! For $4.99! I couldn't find the pillow shams but I found some nice ones in a solid color that matches one of the colors in the comforter perfectly. $2.99 each for those. So...for something I would've paid oodles of money for in a retail store, I bought for a grand total of $17.96. And if I hadn't told you about it, no one would've been the wiser. HA!

Well, maybe this isn't going to be quite book-length after all. It's almost 9:30 and I'm heading for bed. But one more thing I need to say before I call it a nite is how good God is. This early morning, when I was bottomed out and feeling so lost, I wrote emails first to Pat and to my very dear 'real life' friend Karen. I'd also written to my best friend Lizzee about my heartache, too. Well, Lizzee's got a lot on her plate right now and I haven't heard from her yet but both Pat and Karen responded and their emails were so kind and concerned I can't begin to tell you how much both of them eased my heart. It's amazing how, whenever I'm at my lowest points in Life, the Lord sends certain people my way and gives them the exact words I need to hear. I find that amazing, that He cares enough to hear my prayers and answer me.

Enough said.


Melissa B. said...

And speaking of the economy...I was in Borders Book Store this morning and a homeless man was camped out in the lobby. He wasn't bothering anyone, so they let him be. Hope you resolve your "issues" soon. Peace be with you!

Lynda said...

You are in my thoughts and I know God has all your answers already answered for you. Blessings, my friend :-)