Sunday, September 6, 2009


I've had one of those weird-eating days. Hotdogs on buns for lunch after church. Then our neighbors Sharon and Alex brought over some fresh tomatoes and cuccumbers just picked from their garden and I made a couple pieces of toast with butter and freshly-sliced tomatoes on them. Now I'm munching on one of my favorite comfort foods...graham crackers with a big glass of cold milk. Not that I need comfort food at the moment. I also like them because they don't get my fingers sticky or greasy while I'm typing. I know a lot of people like s'mores, something I never acquired a taste for when I could taste. Instead, I preferred an after-school snack my mom would make every now and then, graham crackers spread with chocolate or vanilla frosting. My brothers and I would have those gobbled down in nothing flat.

Why is it younger people have such a hard time imagining us older folks being young once ourselves? A very nice young couple moved into a house down the street and earlier this week as the grandboys and I were passing by I noticed a couple of big rabbits tethered to a small stake in their front yard. As the boys and I stood on the sidewalk admiring them, the young man came outside and told us to come on over and pet them if the boys wanted to, that they're very sweet-natured and gentle. Fleming rabbits, I think he called them. Of course, the boys were enthralled with them. A day or two later we passed by again and this time the young woman came out and introduced herself. I told her I hadn't asked Courtney, the young man, what the rabbits names were and she said, "Little Girl and T-Rex." As I scratched T-Rex behind the ears I told him, "I used to love a band with the same name you have, T-Rex, a million years ago!" I had an album of theirs with a song I loved on it called "Bang a Gong". Of all the silly titles in the world. I don't know which amazed her more, that I was carrying on a conversation with her rabbit or if I'd ever been a rock 'n' roll fan. HA! If she only knew the rest of my younger-years history! How I was the ultimate sneak in pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, how no one knew the real me, how I'd spent my teen years being the good little perfect daughter during the week, then into all kinds of satanic stuff on the weekends. Oh, I was a wild child, all right. No one will ever know the half of it.

Isn't it amazing, the amount of verbal abuse you hear out there when you go to the store or walk along the streets, the horrible things parents say to their children? I've had self-image problems all my life because of the things said to me by my father and my brothers. As my mother and I worked our way thru a lot of things that needed to be resolved before she died, one thing she told me is she wished she'd stepped in and stopped a lot of it when she heard it. She never did, tho. It would've saved me a lot of grief but you can't go back and redo things, can you? What's done in our childhood is done. But you can be gracious and forgive when forgiveness is asked. It is amazing how liberating that is, to let go of pain and resentments and get on with life. I overheard once a conversation between my mom and one of her friends, talking about me when I was 10 or 11, a very awkward time in my life. I didn't catch the comment my mom made but her friend spoke up and said, "Oh, Kristine may be an ugly duckling right now but one of these days she's going to grow into a swan." All I heard was the "ugly duckling" and it broke my heart. It made me feel ugly. For years. Dear Hubby had things said to him as he grew up, too, and when we got married and talked about having kids one thing we agreed on was we would never ever NEVER belittle or put our children down. We never did. The cycles of abuse can be broken, whether it's verbal, physical, sexual...all it takes is the resolve to do so. As to turning in to a swan? Well, I'll never think of myself as beautiful but I look in the mirror and I don't look too bad. Dear Hubby thinks I'm beautiful and as long as he does...well, that's all that matters.

I took a nap this afternoon, something I don't do very often, but I've been so, so sleepy this weekend. I guess I hadn't realized how physically tired I've become. As I lay there on the couch and was drifting off to sleep I suddenly startled awake with the thought, "Now, this would be the perfect time for Dad to show up, unannounced, while Dear Hubby and I nap." And that really threw me off, because I remembered my Dad's been gone over 3 years now. It's like I'd forgotten that for a moment, and it was like losing him all over again when my mind cleared and I knew I'd been half-dreaming. The mind is a strange thing.

Dear Hubby asked what I have on my agenda for tomorrow and I told him, "Absolutely nothing!" Outside of sleeping in a bit, that is. So he asked if I'd be interested in riding out to the archery range with him and I said sure, I'd love to. I'll take along my books and kick back and relax out there. He also asked me if we could work a date nite into my week off, something we haven't done in forever, our weeks are so full and our hours so early as far as going to bed and getting up are concerned. We're going to go out for chinese food and actually sit in a restaurant and enjoy it. I still might go to a matinee of "Julia & Juliet" by myself. I like going to movies by myself tho I rarely do. The last time I went to a movie was when I went and saw "The Queen" with Helen Mirren. Before that, I can't even remember what I last saw. But there's something very peaceful about watching a movie alone in the dark.

And so my vacation moves along. And so my mind wanders tonite.......


Betty said...

I love how you can write down what you are pondering about. That is really hard for me sometimes.
I´m glad you get a date night this week. You deserve it.

And I so heartily agree with you, that we as parents have to watch out what we say about or to our kids. It can make or break them. I remember when our youngest was little she was at an awkward stage, and was a little "clumsy". The more we commented on it, the more she became it. Luckily I read about book about how our words influence our children and realized we had to stop. She turned into a very adept young woman!

Judy said...

"Bang a Gong" shall be dancing through my head ALL day today!