Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Charity begins at home....


Sometimes I am not a very nice person. I am not going in to any detail as to who this entry is about because it needs to remain generic for a lot of reasons. But, trust me...I am not very charitable at times when it comes to family matters. Or maybe I should rephrase that and say family members. And I don't like myself very much when I feel this way, when circumstances come up where I need to be charitable and I feel myself close down. Draw in. I know where it all hearkens back to and you'd think at the age of 55 I'd be able to overcome such petty brattiness on my part. Because that's what it boils down to, childish petty brattiness. But I can't. Or maybe I should say I find it very difficult because I'm not one who allows "can't" to come in to my vocabulary very often. It's strange, tho, isn't it, how we are categorized in family dynamics as children and no matter how old we become we seem to remain stuck there. We are the only daughter. The only sister. The oldest brother. The middle child. The baby. And we can't seem to see our siblings or any other family members beyond that. And we let those categories, those pigeon holes we've been filed in to from what can seem like a millenium ago color every opinion we have about each other as we move on thru the years no matter how old we are. Or is this only me, only my experience with family? Me, who's known as the 'nice' person, the nurturer, the generous one. But I confess here before you all to let you know that I am not necessarily that person. Deep down I am the petty childish brat. And I'm not proud of it.

6 comments:

Judy said...

LOVE your honesty.

I'm still on occasion the spoiled baby brat of my family.

Not proud either.

Donna said...

Yep. Same here. And when my parents were done spoiling me, my husband took over.

Bridget Locke said...

Hmm...I know where you're coming from. I always see myself as the big sister and still see him as my little brother, even though he's now married, a dad and in his 30's. To me he'll always be the obnoxious little boy (and sometimes cute too) that I always had to protect. lol. Pigeon-holing is just a part of life, unfortunately. It's up to us to step OUT of that place we find ourselves in.

But...I do know where you're coming from. *hugs*

Wander to the Wayside said...

I pidgeon-holed myself early on as the poor only child who was adopted by an alcoholic and was part of or privy to too many sad/bad incidents. Boo hoo. I'm known in the family, mine and my in-laws, as poor Linda who really had no family. And yes, at 61, I still play that card, act that role, no matter how hard I try to not let it play into things I do or reactions I have to things. It becomes a subconscious thing.

4evergapeach said...

Oh Kris, I'm sorry your feeling this way. I can't really say that I know where your coming from though. I am the oldest of eight, and I'm sure growing up we had our sibling problems, but we don't have any now. I guess we are blessed. I wouldn't say we are all extremely close, each with our own families, we have our own lives, but we stay in touch. More the boys with the boys and girls with the girls.

Grudges, be they with a sibling, friend, neighbor or anyone, can be hard to overcome. Give it to God. Really. Just give it to Him and you will be amazed at the peace that will come over you. I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless you my friend!

Loretta said...

I think I understand....I was all ways the strong one, that didn't show my feelings. Everyone still thinks I am her.
But,sometime I just want to throw myself to the floor and throw a fit like Hannah used to do!lol