I am not really a published writer. Not in the sense of any of my writing being in a book for the public to purchase, tho Dear Hubby says I ought to charge everyone who comes by and reads my drivel a dollar per visit. Since my mom died 20 years ago, he has been my staunchest, most loyal, supportive 'fan' in the world. If he had his way, I'd be on the New York Times bestseller list. Well, that ain't gonna happen. So I sit here and plunk away on my keyboard whenever I can find some spare moments and publish myself onto the worldwide web. I am inordinately pleased whenever I look at my little Feedjit thingy and see new towns, cities, countries pop up. Someone out there is 'reading me', even tho I'm none the richer for it. But that's ok. I'm not doing this to become rich and famous. I'm doing it because I love it. LOVE it!
I can not figure out how to get Blogger set up so that every comment makes it to my email Inbox. And so I'm sure there are plenty that I have missed in the past almost-5 years I've been writing on my blog. I apologize to any of those who come along and are brave enough to speak up and never hear back from me. That is unacceptable. But even tho I have my blog set up where everyone can comment...well, I guess they can. But I'm not always notified. The reason I'm addressing this is because of what my young bloggy friend Jaggy wrote about recently on her blog, about Followers and Lurkers. One of her commenters said she'd left comments before but Jaggy never responded. I could tell Jaggy felt bad about this. But I'm wondering if maybe Jaggy has the same problem and doesn't realize it, that those comments are never brought to our attention. It's not a very good excuse, but I know for me it's mostly lack of time that limits me to going back to what I've already written and looking thru the comments. I feel lucky enough to find time to write, let alone anything else. Even 'visiting' others is a luxury. So that is why I missed a couple written by "Anonymous" recently. I'm not even sure if Anonymous is one person or two different people. One comment was about my blog being a wonderful resource for spreading word about prayer needed for Baby Brandon. The other comment was about my writing:
"Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!"
I should be flattered...I am flattered. But then that old writer's insecurity welled up from deep inside. My older articles aren't so good? So that gnaws on me. And then I go to one of the referrals on my Feedjit that 'sent' someone here and one of my blog entries was listed on Portland's Top 10. And then I'm on cloud 9. And then tomorrow something else will trip me up. And then something else will stroke my ego. It is SO stupid! Why oh why do we question ourselves so much? I remember watching a TV interview that Laura Bush had back when her husband was President and whoever the interviewer was asked her, "How do you deal with the negativity towards your husband in the media?" Mrs. Bush's answer was: "I don't watch the news or read the magazine articles about him." You know, there is wisdom there. What we don't know can't hurt us. Some will say, "Well, that's like the ostrich hiding his head in the sand." True. But there's self-protection in there, too. Since this is a blog that is basically a journal for my grandsons someday, I guess I shouldn't even care whatever anyone else thinks. But the writer inside of me is hovering just under the surface and wants to know. It's a no-win situation.
To read that comment, it wasn't negative. It wasn't even bad. And constructive criticism is something we can all benefit by. But the writer in me...well, she's just going to have to learn to deal with it, isn't she?