Saturday, July 10, 2010

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching? ~ Dennis and Wendy Mannering

People I meet are always amazed to hear I've been married for 36 years. To the same man. And quite happily, too. Oh, mercy...we are far, far from perfect, mind you. But we seem to know how to navigate both smooth and stormy waters together. We know when to talk and when to shut up. Most of the time, anyway. And in 36 years together I think we've gone to bed without speaking to each other maybe a handful of times, if that. By morning it's been shucked off and we start afresh and leave the mutual bad moods behind.

Today was a perfect example. I got up and I was irritable. Two nites of sweaty non-sleep after three days of almost 100 degree heat didn't exactly have me singing "Good Morning to You!" as I clumped off to the kitchen to pour my coffee and heat up my bagel. When Dear Hubby got up half an hour later we both kind of mumbled "Morning" to each other and left it at that. He's been nursing a rotten head cold and I know - because I was awake most of the nite - he'd had a restless sleep at best. Whenever he gets a cold his voice sinks down in to his chest and drops about 10 octaves. It rumbles but it doesn't project very far. So as he mumbled to himself - well, to me, actually, but I couldn't hear him because of the fans going - and I didn't respond he got a little bit...testy...and I got a little bit...snippy. And as he left a few minutes later to go over to our church grounds to do some vacuuming he told me, "Have a nice day!" as he went out the door and I told him to have a WONDERFUL day in return...tho neither of us were very sincere about it. I got ready and went to Fred Meyer and Walmart to do my weekly shopping, my sour mood hovering over me like a cloud. People kind of veered past me. I think I had a "Better leave me alone if you want to live!" air about me. Smart. But as I wandered up and down the aisles of Fred Meyer's I had one of those ear worm songs start playing in my head: "God Bless You...You make me feel brand new...", an oldie by The Stylistics. Over and over again. And at first I didn't pay it any mind, just hummed the tune and murmured the words to myself. But then I found myself really listening to the words in my head. I also noticed a couple of women around my age buying scarcely any groceries...just a few items that seemed to be for them alone. I began counting my blessings. Sure, I had about $150 worth of groceries in my cart. But a good portion of them were for my two healthy and beautiful grandboys. I was taking them home to a family who loves me. Waiting there was a man who's been thru thick and thin with me and still loves me even on our yuck days like today started out being. I have two wonderful kids. A roof over my head. I mean...yes, I AM blessed.

So...I got home. And Dear Hubby came out to meet me as I parked and helped carry in the groceries. I began putting them away and he sat down at the computer to tinker around for a bit. I went over to him at the desk here and told him about my ear worm song. About how I really began listening to it and thinking about it. About how thankful I am that even on days when we start out cranky we get over it and move on from there and have a good day together. No grudge-holding. He agreed. And he went off to the church again and I've been tinkering around the house. When he gets home around 3 we may go out to the archery range if he feels well enough. I got some books from the library this morning to take along just in case. And if he doesn't feel well enough we've got several movies taped on the DVR so we can sit together and enjoy those this evening.

Nope, no divorce court for us.

Oh, and speaking of the library...if you're still with me here...I had a little chat with the Supervisor at the branch where I go most of the time. Three times now, when I've had Dylan and Cooper with me, one of the librarians there has referred to Dylan as a 'special' child, to me and in front of Dylan. Sure, he may look like he's 8 years old but he's only a few months past turning 4. And yes, he's been a late talker but most of his conversation is intelligible. He is not a special needs child...just extremely tall for his age. His dad was a late talker, too. I felt it needed to be addressed, and I did it very nicely. The Supervisor apologized all over herself and said she'll bring it to her staff's attention immediately. I didn't tell her which librarian has done it...maybe the woman isn't even aware she's doing it. But hopefully this will make them all a little more sensitive about what they say. Especially in front of a child. I dunno about you, but my memory goes a long way back and I can remember harsh or mean things said to me, especially by my paternal grandfather. You may forgive, but you never forget. And I don't want comments like that librarian's altering my grandson's feelings about himself in any way.


Betty said...

Good for you, for speaking up for your grandson to the library! I would have done so too.
Loved reading this today, about you and your hubby, how there are hard days and not so hard times. We´ve been struggling the last few days as well. Both of us somehow very touchy and oversensitive. Maybe because our daughter is here and we have to "watch what we say". But that is completely normal and I know it will iron itself out and we will stick through it. That is what married life is. So true, that we are blessed!

Vanessa Rogers said...

Sometimes in the mood just to be grumpy. Sometimes I think we need a good grump to feel thankful again.

Rob-bear said...

Congratulations on 36 years of marriage — and learning/knowing how to make it work. An enviable position, and one over which one could truly rejoice. Wish more people were in the same situation — 36 years married, and making it work.