Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Fall seven times, stand up eight. ~ Japanese Proverb

I haven't written anything about post menopausal life in a long time, have I? I probably shouldn't attempt writing about it tonite because I. am. in. a. very. foul. mood.


And I don't even know why, really.

I'm a fabulous multi-tasker. I don't think I'd have any problems whatsoever being a CEO for some huge corporation. My mind is quite often on the next task while I'm performing a current task while juggling the results of the last task while fielding a million "Why, Ahma?" queries while giving instructions to Dylan on how to play a computer game while I'm remembering this, that, and the next thing that's been asked for me to do during a day. And most of the time I do all this with good grace.

Then there are days like today. It was stormy outside. Dylan was sick and feverish. Cooper was asking a million times if we could go for a walk. They took naps, which was peaceful for a while. The afternoon was unremarkable. Then the boys went home. And suddenly I'm thinking about this weekend. I'm leaving tomorrow with the boys to go home with them to care for them over the weekend while my son and daughter-in-law fly out-of-town. I won't be coming home until Monday morning...they'll be flying in rather late Sunday evening. I haven't packed anything for myself yet. I haven't given the first thought to food for myself, either. And then Dear Hubby asked me, "What am I going to have for dinner while you're gone?" And I'm thinking, "I. Don't. Know." He's going hunting...I'd figured on those meals only when I went grocery shopping last Saturday. And that was a hurried affair because I was meeting my bloggy friend Simone on the other side of town at 9 for breakfast and I was distracted and I didn't even think of Thursday and Friday nite meals. I told him to go buy a Subway. But then I dug around in the freezer and found a roast which I now have thawing and he can have sandwiches. I'm going to be too busy to worry about it.

My daughter will read this and say, "Oh, here she goes. Another one of her "no one will help" me rants." No, that's not it at all. Sometimes I just become so overwhelmed with too much to juggle and organize and keep afloat. Too many requests and questions from too many directions at once. I mean, I seem to be perfectly capable of taking care of my own needs. Am I dense to think that others should be capable of taking care of their own, too?

There's something about reaching a little past middle age, when your body is beginning to say "Gimme a break". When the natural inclination is to slooooooooooooow down a little bit. I must admit for a woman who's almost 57 I have an amazing amount of energy but even I can feel Father Time tugging at me a little more all the time. I can feel myself asking, "When will MY time come around?" When I can be a little more selfish and not feel guilty about claiming a little more of my life for myself. I see myself following a pattern here...I keep saying "little". A little time, a little more selfish, a little more life. Why do I always feel I deserve only a 'little' portion of this, a little portion of that? Do I really see my claim on the world so insignificant? That my needs are any less than anyone elses?

Oh, I dunno.

I'm in a very foul mood.



Rob-bear said...

Well, it happens, sometimes, that your body says something like, "Hey, Miss Kris: this is your body speaking to you. You know, the one you've been ignoring? I'm getting tired of being ignored, and if I don't get a share of the attention pretty soon, I'm going to go on strike!"

You won't like it when your body goes on strike. You can trust the Bear on this one.

Donna said...

My daughter posted an very brief entry that seemed to say something similar. I was thinking, "Your kids will soon be grown; then you can be selfish."
And now you remind me that isn't always true.

LC said...

Well said, Rob-bear. Kris, sending a little prayer you way for what promises to be a busy busy weekend. And what is this with little ones still ailing?

Betty said...

It´s no wonder. You give so much to everyone. I sometimes think you are taken advantage of. Maybe you should just say "I need a break".

Deedee said...

I? Can totally relate, Especially the part about "I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own needs. Am I dense to think that others should be capable of taking care of their own, too?"

You put into words so brilliantly what I often think. And I just turned 57 this month so am on the same age-wavelength as you.

Hang in there, try to carve out some me-time. But as hard as it sometimes might be, I envy you so much for all the time you get to spend with your grandsons. My 7 month old grandson lives 1000 miles away.

MissKris said...

Deedee, I wish I knew who you are. I think it'd be nice to have someone my age who understands where I'm coming from in my life. If you read this, please contact me.

Anita said...

I hope things have improved since you wrote this post.

Recently, I sort of realized that (for me) multi-tasking is not all that it's cracked up to be. In a recent blog post, I tell of how I left a faucet on and flooded the bathroom. LOL
I wasn't laughing when it happened though.
I guess life is a cycle. Things go well for a while, we get happy, do too much, then crash. We pick ourselves back up and do it all over.
I liked your "go buy a Subway." lol

Pam said...

There is nothing at all selfish in taking a "little" time for yourself. If you need it, ask for it and make it happen. Everyone needs a break from time to time. Not selfish at all!

Greta said...

Hey - I'm 57 and I like multi-tasking less and less. Today, I babysat two granddaughters and thought that time in the house could mean time in the kitchen and I mixed and baked a batch of buns. Had the washer & dryer going, played games with the girls, but by lunchtime, I was a bear! Had a nap on the couch while one grandchild napped and the other watched a movie. Sure helped me find a better frame of mind.
I also am backing away from committee responsibilities, or planning showers (baby or bridal), that kind of thing. Just not energized by such anymore. Looking at this stage of life as God directing in new directions. I still have gifts but I can learn to use them in new ways. Since I also hit "empty nest" this fall, it's been a crossroad for me.
In a nutshell? Be easy on yourself!

kmalone775 said...

Kris, I've gotten so used to having my grand daughter or being called upon by my daughter to come over or do this with her, go there... that when they don't call or aren't here I'm not always sure of what to do. I get the me time and miss them. Call me crazy!