Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Oh, the summer night, Has a smile of light, And she sits on a sapphire throne. ~ Barry Cornwall

 A long and busy day.  My daughter-in-law flew out to Portland last nite to spend a week at our church's camp meeting there and to visit with friends.  I think of all of us she's been the most homesick for 'home' so I'm glad she's having this opportunity to reconnect and have fun.  While she's gone I'm having the boys for a couple hours later each day.  With her out of town I have to wait for our son to come by and pick up the boys.  But it's not a hardship.  It's only for a few days and they're so good it makes no difference anyway.  

It was hot outside early on.  Or maybe it's just me and hormonal imbalances of some sort.  I've just been feeling hotter lately, if that makes sense.  Not sweaty-yucky hotter, just...hotter.  Oh well.  My body has been a mystery to me ever since I had my full hysterectomy around the time Cooper was born.  No HRT for me so I just kind of stumble my way along this midlife path one day at a time.  I do take a wonderful natural supplement called Menoquil that helps with soaking nite sweats.  I am not a very nice person to be around if I forget to reorder it and run out of it and slip back into waking up wringing wet two or three nites a week.  Dear Hubby will agree with that!

The grandboys and I spent most of the morning outside until the heat of the sun chased us in around the time the mail arrived.  I gave Coopy a cold bottle of water and had him go give it to the mail lady.    They spent their time running thru the sprinkler and 'painting' our sidewalks and driveway.  They love having buckets filled with water and and taking paint brushes and going to town!  They end up with just as much water on themselves, which I'm sure is part of the appeal.  I love coming up with old-fashioned things for them to do that I enjoyed as a child on a hot summer day.  They don't need remote cars and trucks and endless video games.  Mercy, they don't even need toys.  Cooper likes taking a little yellow bucket and filling it with rocks that he brings to me and presents to me like treasures.  He tells me they're his 'crystals' and I believe him.

We have fire flies here in Michigan.  I find them as magical, if not more so, at the age of 57 than I did when I saw them for the first time in New Hampshire when I was 14.  Maybe because I know I don't have as many fire flies in my future from this point forward.  Getting older changes your perspectives in a lot of ways you'd never even begin to take into consideration when you're 14.  You don't comprehend death in a finite way, especially your own.  At 14 you're going to live forever.  At 57 I'm glad I'm not going to live forever.  All I ask is if I can live to see my grandsons to adulthood.  But every year onward is a gift and every year I'm blessed with I'll be thankful for.

This year has been filled with so many changes.  And much to my surprise I'm finding I'm thriving on them.  Obviously, change doesn't bother me or I'd be writing this at my grandmother's desk in my dining room in Portland, gazing out the window instead of at my new desk here in my living room in Livonia, Michigan.  No window view here, but I have items scattered on the shelves that mean a lot to me and I find myself gazing up at them instead whenever I'm trying to think of a word or get lost in thought.  

I just got off the phone with Dear Hubby.  He's on his way, driving home, stopping in Idaho tonite on his way back to Michigan.  He should arrive here sometime on Saturday.  He told me this morning that even tho he enjoyed his visit out there it really isn't home any more.  He can't wait to get here to see us all again.  He drove by our old house, visited with our neighbors there who came out to greet him when he drove up and they realized who he was.  Many of them we lived next door to for 25 years or more. He said it was nice to see everyone but looking at the house gave him such a strange feeling.  I loved that old house, even tho it felt sometimes like it was falling down around our ears.  Old houses require a lot of TLC but grandchildren require more.  Our plan had been to redo it all once the boys were in school full time and I got back to working a 'real ' job.  A real job...right.  That has to be something a person who's never raised kids would say out of total ignorance.  Shall we say a job out in the working world?  Whatever.  But our plans weren't the Lord's plans.  And our little house sits there, a diamond in the rough for someone else with plans to come along and make it into the home of their dreams.  And what they'll have is a house that is filled with the ghosts of my family and whispers of love and wonderful, wonderful memories.

I am not homesick.  I can not tell you how content I am here.  But my entire life was lived in the Northwest.  My history.  And sometimes I feel a little shell-shocked when I think of how fast we packed up and moved 2400 miles away.  But if someone was to offer me the same opportunity heading back westward, I'd say no.  No thank you.  Not even remotely interested.

And I don't even know why.


Vanessa Rogers said...

I'm glad your so content in your new house. :)

Anonymous said...

Fireflies...they are not much seen here in the last 7 years...not sure what has happened to them, but the weather has been more towards drought, perhaps that is why.

We moved cross country a few years ago. Cannot say I feel at home, but I no longer feel at home in the West either. Well, this world is not my home, I am just passing through in that way, tis ok, anyway it comes.

Betty said...

It´s so good to read how content you are at where you are now. Shows you how this was God´s will for you all. He will bless your life there.