Loneliness is a place that I know well. It's the distance between us and the space inside ourselves. ~ Annie Lennox

We arrived here in Michigan on the 5th of March, I believe it was.  We've been here almost 5 1/2 months now.  I can honestly say I haven't been homesick or lonely yet. 

It's a funny thing how once upon a time I was very shy and unsure of myself.  Self-confidence wasn't something I possessed at any level, to any degree.  I have written many times about my "epiphany" year of 1999 where my whole world imploded on me and I was face-to-face with a person I didn't know at all any more...myself.  Somehow, somewhere, I'd lost the basic essence of me.

That's a very scary place to arrive at in a person's life.  I was 45 years old.  You would have thought I'd have it all together.  But spiritually...emotionally...physically...mentally...I was scraping the bottom of the barrel so hard yet coming up empty.  My doctor had told me if I didn't begin to change a lot of things in life I wouldn't be seeing too many more sunsets.  That drew me up short and zapped me right between the eyes.  I began to look and I began to see.  And I sure wasn't very happy with what I found myself confronted with.  A woman functioning on nothing but fumes.  I had nothing left to give anyone.  Which means I had even less for me.

Thus began a long and arduous climb out of the pits.  I felt like I scraped and slithered back and forth for a while, one foot forward, two feet back.  But I persevered and realized one day I'd made it.  I no longer feel I'm a doormat.  I no longer say 'yes' all the time even when I'm dying to say 'no'.  I no longer despair if the whole world doesn't love me.  Do I love everyone I come across?  No.  So if someone doesn't become my best friend five minutes after I meet them, I can let it go.  I don't sit and worry and fret about what's wrong with me if they're not responding.  Life is too short to be worried about other people's shortcomings.  

Coming to a new part of the country to live, almost 2400 miles from everything I knew, everything familiar and dear to me, as we've settled into our new neighborhood I haven't sat back and waited for people to come to me.  I've approached every single one of them myself.  And I've shook hands and said, "Hi, I'm Kris from Portland, Oregon, and I wanted to say hello and tell you how much I love it here!"  And do you know, I haven't had one negative response from any of them.  If anything, I think they're thankful I've broken the ice.  And nearly all of them have told me how hard it is to get to know the neighbors, tho everyone is basically friendly.  We have one couple who live next door and everyone has told me how standoffish they are so I've made a special point of talking to the wife.  She was out in the back yard the other day with her little twins and Dylan and Cooper were talking her ear off over the fence.  I went over to them and told her, "I hope they're not bothering you!"  and she said no, she loved it!  She said after living there 6 years she'd never had anyone to talk with over the fence before and it was wonderful.  So there you go.  She's shy.  Nothing else.

There's a scripture about how, if you want to have friends,  you need to show yourself friendly.  I never understood that before my epiphany year.  It's one of life's most important lessons I've learned.  I don't have to be lonely.  I don't have to be homesick.  All I have to do is be friendly.  And it works just about every time.

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend. ~ Author Unknown

What a strange concept...waiting for this little girl to come over to my house today. 

Oh.

Wait a minute.

That was her, 31 years ago.

She doesn't look anything like that now.

She moved into her very first alone apartment a couple of weeks ago.  She's been saying it feels like a hotel room still because it's devoid of  'homey' touches.

So what does Mom do?

I went and bought her several houseplants today.  I also told her she can go thru all the boxes and bins down in the storage cupboards in the basement and is welcome to any of the kitschy stuff that's in them.  As well as any art work that hits her fancy.

I might even toss in a box of nails.

They grow up and they go 'away'. 

But they're forever in a mother's heart, no matter what their age.

Our genes make us immortal. ~ The Secret of Life, PBS

So far I've spent my morning doing my grocery shopping a little after 6.  Then doing some little chores that I never seem to find the time for during the week.  Like taking a broom and zeroing in on a bothersome cricket who's been chirp chirp chirping in the grass near my neighbor Donna's fence.  How can a cricket chirp 24 hours a day?  I 'swept the grass'  --  gently  --  and it stopped.  Then I stood there and listened for a few moments and all was quiet.  I've been waking up in the middle of the nite and, even with the fan in the bedroom going and the hum of the AC unit outside, little Mr./Ms. Cricket has been cranking away.  Dear Hubby thought it was the fan beginning to make noise but I told him no...it's the cricket.

My daughter-in-law is coming by around 11 am and the two of us are going over to my daughter's apartment to spend the afternoon helping her get settled.  We all pitched in last weekend and actually got her moved but with working full time she hasn't had much time to get organized yet.  I spent some time filling up the back of my pick up truck this morning with the boxes and bins that didn't fit into the U-Haul truck last week.  I can not believe someone who hasn't been out on her own for years can have so much STUFF.  But she does.  And she purged 23 big garbage bags and numerous boxes of books before we moved here from Portland.  I'm bringing along a box of big garbage bags today, too.  Maybe we can help her purge some more.  Her apartment has two bedrooms and a nice storage area off the kitchen...but even with that we're going to be hard-pressed to find room for everything that she has. 

Am I suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome?  Not at all.  The first couple of days she was gone felt kind of strange, but mostly I'm thrilled for her to be able to be on her own.  She'd had one disastrous experience moving in with a friend several years ago.  Came back home to get herself squared away.  Then couldn't afford to rent an apartment in Portland on her own.  She's lived with us ever since.  But here in Michigan she's found her apartment for $635 per month and with the income tax here several percentage points lower than the income tax in Oregon, she should be able to make it just fine.  It's been 35 years since Dear Hubby and I have had our house to ourselves.  It feels good. 

It feels wonderful.

It's good to know both of our children are on their own and I can finally let the apron strings go completely.  As I told her, I never have been one to hold on to those strings tightly anyway.  When my son got married I told my daughter-in-law, "He's yours now".  And I meant it.  And now our daughter's on her own.  We'll be here for them if they need us, but Dear Hubby and I are more than ready for whatever time we have left to be just the two of us. 

Alone.