Saturday, July 14, 2012

The clock talked loud. I threw it away, it scared me what it talked. ~ Tillie Olsen, Tell Me a Riddle

My poor little blog.  4000+  combined entries, here and on my original private blog...well, it seems to be dying a slow death, don't you think?  But honestly, I don't want to give up on it.  Lately it's like I'm having somewhat of a brain freeze of some sort when it comes to writing down things I feel, things I observe.  It hasn't been from lack of time, goodness knows.  While Grandma Ursula has been visiting from Texas the past few months I've pretty much been a free bird.   But she'll be leaving around the first of next month and it will be back in the saddle again, my days structured around the day care of my grandsons.  I went looking for the step stool the other day so I could reach up and dust off the blades to the ceiling fan in Dear Hubby's den and I came across Cooper's potty seat.  I sent a text to my daughter-in-law asking if Coop would still need it once he's here again and she said nope...he sits on the toilet like a big boy now.  Part of me thought, "Well, isn't that nice!" but then I was sobered when I thought, "Oh my....another chapter of his babyhood is closing now."  It almost made me cry.

I remember as a young mother, when life was so full and incredibly hectic and I hardly had a moment to myself.  Each milestone that came along in my children's lives was something to celebrate.  One step closer to independence for them, one step closer for me as well.  I can't say I celebrated those moments exactly, but little did I know at that time just how fleeting their childhoods would be.

I remember when my son approached me and asked if I'd be willing to do the day care for our first grandson when he was born.  I can't believe now how I hesitated in answering, but I did.  I had finally gained my independence from the responsibilities of "momhood" and I had a part time job I enjoyed.  I agreed to it after I thought about it, and I have never regretted it.  Being such an active part of my grandsons' lives has been one of the greatest joys of my life.  I savor every moment of it.

You see, with the passage of time I now know just how fast time moves forward.  This time, in hindsight, I know how important it is to treasure every moment.  Every moment.  The good, the bad, the happy, the sad. 

I have been blessed to be a part of childhood again.  Childhood is a precious commodity.

At 58, I am quite aware this is most likely the last time I will ever have babies to rock to sleep on a daily basis.  It is the last time I'll have a big storage bin of toys tucked away in the closet.  One of these days Spongebob and Max & Ruby will be erased for the last time off the DVR.  There will be no more finger smudges to wipe off the picture window.  No more....

Excuse me.  I have to stop.  I can't see thru the tears.


Betty WSch. said...

Awe, it is bittersweet isn't it?! I guess all you can do is savor each moment.

Bridget Locke said...

Curse you! You made me cry! Argh!

Anita said...

Potty seats, etc. Oh, the things that make us reflect.

Though some things will not likely be repeated, as your grandsons grow, so many more milestones you'll get to witness again. And that's a good thing!

I understand how you feel, though. xoxo

Mom said...

I just hugged my grandson as he boarded the plane to return to duty with the air force. What a handsome man he is. I miss my baby boys.

Simone said...

I can hear the tears in Oregon. What I love so much about you is that you bring into everyone's life a sense of specialness. Your grandbabies are truly blessed to have that with you all the time. As they grow older, they will still need you and cherish you for all that you are to them.

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Sweet post! I hear your tender, giving heart in every line. Yes, I had goose bumps and a choked-up moment, feeling with you the love we have for our kids and grands. Life seems to be rushing past me these days, leaving me older and still fighting many of the same old battles. I guess I've matured in many ways too, but I still struggle to "let go and let God...." As I grieve the passing of the years, I am also heartened to see new beginnings and adventures ahead for the next generation. Your grands are blessed to have had your concentrated input in their lives so far. At 58 did you say? --you have many more good years ahead to continue being a positive and encouraging influence. Keep it up, Old Girl!