Monday, July 1, 2013
In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~ Robert Sexton
On our anniversary I happened to be at the bank and as I was depositing a check written in Dear Hubby's name the teller said, "I'm assuming this is your husband?" and I said yes. I mentioned it was our anniversary and he asked me how long we'd been married. When I told him 39 years he was almost blown away, as was a young female teller at the next window. Both were young and both had wedding rings on. The teller asked me, "What's the secret of staying married for such a long time?" and the young lady nodded her head at me, wanting to know too. Well, I'm no genius and no two marriages are alike but I told them what's helped our marriage survive. Communication and compromise. Selfishness has no place in a marriage. And if you can't communicate, fuhgeddaboutit. You're not going to make it. You have to listen....really listen. And when you do talk, talk with each other, not at each other. If that happens, you'll both shut down and nothing will ever get resolved. Your needs, your wants, aren't always front and center. Sometimes you have to give in. So what? So you don't always get your way? Well, maybe next time it'll be your turn. I mean, people get so petty and nasty over the dumbest things: "You bought a new fishing pole! Well, now I want to install hardwood floors thruout the house!" He goes fishing and you have a cow about it? Grow up. Learn to sweat the BIG things that come along...major illnesses, deaths in the family, loss of jobs. The little things aren't worth the energy it takes to argue about them. Don't go to bed mad. Never ever. Even if you don't particularly like each other as you climb under the covers, at least don't harbor thoughts of killing each other in the nite. Laugh together....laugh a lot! Humor can get you thru almost anything. If you have nothing good to say, don't say it. You don't have to say it so bury the impulse. Once it's out of the mouth it's out forever and you can never take it back. And you need to learn that forgiveness and forgetting and never holding grudges is going to do a lot to give you smooth sailing. You need to be best friends. Like a friend of ours told us once, "Kissin' don't last but good cookin' do." A lot of things slow down with age...it's a natural progression. Being friends is so much more important than being lovers only. Really. I think that's where a lot of the trouble lies with young couples...they've fallen in lust, not in real love. There's more in life to share than sex. And if your spouse is your best friend you've got a treasure that lasts a lifetime.
And Dear Hubby and I are lucky...we are best friends. And it is a treasure. And I hope we can make it 39 more.