Friday, November 7, 2014

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. ~ Garth Brooks

Have you ever had situations in Life where you feel like you're standing at the end of a diving board staring down into some black, murky water and wonder, "Should I jump?" or "Maybe I'll just go back and forget about this."  That's what's so hard about the 'murky moments' in life, isn't it?  Do you jump...do you retreat...do you just stand there and ponder it for a while in the valley of indecision?  I am at that point.  I have had a prayer that's gone unanswered for a long time.  I have been a Christian for 38 years this month.  I've prayed thousands of prayers thru those years.  I've had some answered instantaneously, some within hours or days or even weeks.  But I don't think I've ever had this experience before, where I've prayed and prayed and prayed and absolutely nothing is resolved.  For months.  It is causing undue stress, to the point where my hair was falling out in handfuls for about a week's time.  To the point where I had a mini emotional breakdown one evening when I was home alone.  And yet I keep praying and it feels like there is a wall of brass between me and God.  Am I praying incorrectly?  Am I praying for a solution to the problem in a way that isn't pleasing to the Lord?  This has been a lesson in patience, in suffering, because it affects me in the most vulnerable way and I want an answer right now.  God is definitely showing me He answers prayer on His timetable, not mine.  My humanness wants to jump right in there and take control, to fix the problem the way I want it done.  It makes me want to wave a flag in front of God's face and say, "Now, listen here!  I've waited long enough and I need some relief now, not when You decide it's time!"  Oh my...that's getting onto dangerous ground, isn't it?  Me trying to tell the Creator of the universe who spoke the world into existence how to act?  So I guess it's time to step humbly back and say "Ok, Lord.  I know all things are beautiful in Your time.  I know that You're taking the heavy end of the load and all I need to do is let You have it.  I know I can do all things through You because You strengthen me."  But sometimes my weakness gets the best of me.  Sometimes I just want to tell the old enemy of my soul, "Ok, you win this one."  I am just so tired, so worn down, and so distraught at times, which isn't me at all.  I'm the strong one, the caregiver and the nurturer.  The one who tries to carry the heavy end of everyone's burden.  And what's especially hard is it's for me to bear alone.


I have an aching heart that needs the Balm of Gilead.  I need the Lord to hold me tight and give me rest for my weary soul.  I just need....peace.

3 comments:

Midlife Roadtripper said...

Hopefully writing your feelings here has offered you some peace. Another way to send your prayer. Rest.

CWMartin said...

God don't like to be pushed, believe me. I don't know the exact situation, but let me make a stab or two at it. Where is your motivation? Are you willing to take your hands off the whole affair and let the chips fall where they may, or are you hoping for a resolution to your liking? Are you praying from fear of the situation or thanksgiving for His as-yet unrevealed answer? Sometimes, It seems like God is behind that wall of brass because He doesn't want to listen... when in fact it is ourselves that don't want to hear the answer. Are you taking the time to "be quiet and know that He is God" about it? I will add my voice to yours on the matter.

Rosemary Nickerson said...

Dear Sweet Friend, I hear your hearts' cry for peace. What courage you demonstrate by being this open and vulnerable online. Yes, you know God Does Answer Prayer. And, yes, you know God is Good, All the Time. Yes, you know you can go boldly before the throne of Grace for help in times of need, like this time right now. Keep praying, until you have peace in your heart and mind. Pray until you can give it over to Him and accept whatever His answer will be. Let us know when you have reached that safe haven and we will rejoice with you, no matter what the answer is. I will pray for you too, for God's grace and mercy. This week, I read a verse that I had seen so many times and never really caught until now. Ps. 42:5
"Why are you in despair, O my soul? and why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, FOR THE HELP OF HIS PRESENCE. (italics mine)