Friday, January 23, 2009

Major Roadblock

I'm feeling...not anxious, exactly...but I'm feeling like there are an awful lot of unresolved issues in my personal life at the moment. Nothing monumental -- at least I certainly hope not. But enough to have me feeling very unsettled inside. I don't like feeling unsettled. I know that's silly on my part because Life is something we have absolutely no control over. Maybe I should say I prefer my 'unsettled-ness' in smaller doses. Not so many at once.

It's funny how we're our own worst enemies, isn't it? Or maybe it's just me. There are some things going on now where I wonder, "What if I would've done this differently? Or that? Was I right? Was I wrong? Is it because of me that this situation is what it is now? Did I not offer enough support or give what this person needed? Is this somehow my fault?" At what stage in Life do we let someone stand on their own two feet and draw back on 'being there' for them? How do we know what it is they need as it is? How much boils down to how a person is put together genetically in the first place? How much does our role in their lives affect them? These are the questions that go round and round in my head when I first pillow my head at nite. I'm getting to be too old to try and solve the world's problems. I learned a long, long time ago that I can't, tho that doesn't stop me from caring. And I am here to pick up the pieces.

When my grandson Dylan is particularly stressed or needing comfort, he comes to me with his arms open wide and crawls in to my lap. He tells me, "Hold, Mom." And we give each other a long, tight bear hug. I could hold that darling boy all day long if he'd let me.

Sometimes that's the way I feel, too. And that's when I open my arms and crawl into the embrace of my Savior. Those sweet everlasting arms. What comfort they give. That's when I say, "Hold, Lord."


Donna said...

You're lucky to have a little one to hug and hold. I miss the feel of a child on my lap and in my arms. It's been a long, long time.

Tess said...

This is stunning... and speaks volumes to my heart right now... thank you for sharing so truly... it makes the path seem less lonely.

Melissa B. said...

Hope you're feeling "settled" again, soon. Hey, I know something that could perk you up-Sx3 is playing all day over at my place...come on over and join the fun! Oh, and about PDX. I worked on Capitol Hill for the then-congressman from the 1st District of Oregon for about 6 years in the '80s. Got several sweet trips out to your neck of the woods, including a 2-week sojurn at Cannon Beach & other Oregon Coast hot-spots. Have you ever been to the Columbia Cafe in Astoria or the Otis Cafe in Lincoln City? Both are Heavenly!