Monday, November 14, 2011

Who can hope to be safe? who sufficiently cautious? Guard himself as he may, every moment's an ambush. ~ Horace

I'm at the point in life where I don't like to watch the news much any more.  I am sickened about the sex scandal at Penn State, just as I was with all the cover ups concerning molestations within the Catholic church.  Having been a child who was molested...only one time...and knowing the devastating affect it had on me, I can not imagine what it must be like to be repeatedly violated.  I never told my parents what happened to me for 7 years.  It's amazing how the attacker can make an innocent child feel like it's the child's fault, makes the child question themselves as to why they were the one the pervert focused on and not some other child.  In my case, it could have been dozens of others who might have been...and probably were....violated by this man.  He was a person whose home was open to children from all over town.  His wife worked days, he worked nites.  Perfect scenario.  Along comes me, a little girl of 9, and he targets me while a bunch of us kids were playing Hide 'n' Seek at his house and I was "it".  Those minutes on the floor of his living room alone with him will never be erased from my memory.  When everyone called "Ready!" and I had the chance to get away, I fled from that house as fast as I could and I never went back.  And I never let him within 20 feet of me ever again.

And I kept that secret bottled up inside until the day I was 16 and I finally unburdened myself to my parents.  Naturally, they were aghast and were horrified I'd kept this from them..."Why didn't you tell us?  We could've gotten a hold of the police!  He could've harmed lots of kids!"  True, true, true.  But how do you put into words something that happened to you before you even knew what sex and perversion were?  Seven years later, we had moved 140 miles away and he had died of throat cancer.  Good riddance.  And to this day, 48 years later...well, I have to forgive him because I'm a Christian but I get sick to my stomach whenever I think of what he did that day and how he took my innocence away forever.  We forgive, but we never, ever forget.

And so....

I'm at the point in life where I don't like to watch the news much any more.


"Abby" said...

Wow, what a raw post. I too am *pissed* at the revelations of what's happened at Penn State. It's mainly through my belief in karma that I find some calm.

But your story is so disturbing.

CJ said...

Hey Kris,
We have given up on the news, in fact all TV...Don't even own a set anymore. Having been internationally newsworthy - for a short period of my life - and knowing
what utter rubbish the media reported, M and I began to see how media manipulates and structures events to milk them for the largest possible return. That was some years ago but I think it's even worse now. We keep up with news around the world now on the PC's and I think we get a better balanced view.

What an awful experience you had! Children are so precious and must be guarded carefully - unfortunately, today it is harder and harder - evil is everywhere.

Donna said...

I can understand why this was a difficult entry for you. I never had any major incidents like yours, but I had one slight brush with inappropriate behavior. I was perhaps 7 years old, walking every day to my country school. A boy about 10 or 12 years old always rode a pony to school, and I was fascinated with horses. He told several of us kids we could sit on his pony if we wanted to. When I was getting on the pony, he did something inappropriate. Not a big deal, but I felt intense embarrassment, and I never told my parents.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, your situation sounds like one that fits Matt forgiveness indicated there? Not so sure...Rom 1:28ff perhaps too. Where a child or helpless person is concerned I think the Scriptures show a different situation and outcome. So it seems to me...even GOD has limits.

MissKris said...

Anonymous...I'm sure God is horribly reviled by situations like these. But God's ways are not our ways. And I've also read where Jesus says we need to forgive "seventy times seven". Forgiveness is probably the hardest thing on earth we humans need to do. I'm sure that's why there are so many unresolved relationships on every level. But in my heart, if I've been sinned against, I try with all my heart to forgive. That's just the way I'm 'wired'. But thank you for your input.

Sandy said...

Mon eldest son, who works as a probation officer for sexual offenders tells me that had my father ever been brought to justice; he woul have been listed as a Level III offender (likely to offend again.) What he did to me and my sisters was not just the act of violation; it resulted in the distruction of the family foundations. I prayed for years that God would lead me to a "spirit of forgiveness" and he finally did do that; but I still turn his picture facedown when I run across one. The amazing part of the story is that Keith and I were available to lead him to Christ on his deathbed. Thanks for sharing.

2 Moms of a Feather...Stick Together said...

Whenever I read a story like yours it saddens me...and makes me mad.
I had a friend whose father was one like Anonymous'.
It made me raise my children a little bit diffrently...being more cautious. Not letting them go to other people's houses without me...rarely spending the night away from home.
The only way people can get peace is from Jesus by trusting Him...whether they were the victim or the sinner.
Praying for all who have been affected by this Poison.
Nancy aka Mommy 2

Anonymous said...

Some say you must forget when you forgive...sometimes that does happen, sometimes not. While there needs to be forgiveness in our hearts, when the offender has not asked for our forgiveness, we need say nothing, I believe. We need to forgive for our own sake, not the offenders. I had 54 years to practice this. Because after the verbal abuse quit when I left home, the verbal never did. Having distance (which had to do with jobs) ended up being a blessing, as there was less verbal abuse when we moved a continent away. But death eventually comes to all and that finally silenced the abuse. The stroke took away speech and the right arm control...and the thought that came to me: "Never again will anything bad come from his mouth and never again will that hand be raised against anyone." I did not ask for death, I asked for change. Not all prayers are answered in this life. But peace came instead. I do believe in keeping the commandments and honoring one's parents can be the hardest job on earth. People who do not walk the same path generally have no understanding or compassion...but our REAL FATHER does understand, completely. And that is something to rejoice over!!

Anonymous said...

Oppss, meant to say, "when the physcial abuse ended, the verbal never did". I think once a certain line is crossed, maybe there is a point of no return to what should be. But that is just my experience.

Anita said...

I was over at Abby's and she mentioned this post.

What can I say?

I just finished reading Jeff D'Antonio's blog and learned that his 8 year old neice died suddenly of a blod clot that traveled to her lung...from sleeping in an odd position.

And here in this post, another case of sexual abuse; something that has probably gone on since the beginning of time.

I am so sad and exasperated. The pain of this world is so draining.

The stories must continue to be told. I hope you have encouraged someone else to tell theirs.