Friday, January 20, 2012

No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories. ~ Chris Sorensen

There is nothing like the death of a close friend or loved one as far as making us realize our own vulnerability and how little control we truly have over our own lives.  We received news this morning that a very dear friend of Dear Hubby's passed away yesterday due to ongoing complications he'd suffered since having back surgery a few weeks ago.  In the process he'd suffered a stroke, which is something Dear Hubby is morbidly afraid of in regards to his own family history.  Also, this friend and Dear Hubby are almost the same age.  When I got on Facebook and notes from friends verified the seriousness of a message Dear Hubby woke up to find on his phone this morning:... "I've got really bad news!" from a mutual friend...Dear Hubby went off in another room and cried like his heart was breaking.   This friend had called Dear Hubby just a day or two before he'd gone in to have the back surgery, asking for prayer.  The last time Dear Hubby saw him was last summer when he'd flown into Portland and G had come out to pick him up at the airport. 

He'd asked me to send G a Get Well card right after the surgery.  Usually I am very good about doing things like that.  And even tho it isn't an excuse, in the busyness of the holidays and everyday life here, I had forgotten to do so.  This morning Dear Hubby said to me, "I hope in the future, when I ask you to do something like that for me,  next time you don't forget."  He didn't mean it the way I took it but I was a bit offended by that statement.  I try to do the best I can with the limited free time I have...and why can't men just DO something like that for themselves?  But the heat of the moment passed and I know he was feeling badly because the card never did get sent to G.  I felt badly, too.  Dear Hubby made a very valid point, tho.  He said we all need to act upon feelings when we feel them.  That's very true.  Little did we know G wouldn't make it.   In one of the Wyatt Earp movies, where Val Kilmer played Doc Holliday, as he lay dying of consumption he made a remark about not having many friends in his lifetime but Wyatt Earp had truly been one of his.  That line has stuck with both Dear Hubby and I ever since we heard it.  I know I wrote a blog entry recently about people who are well loved and then die feeling like they have no friends.  I think that is the biggest vulnerability in all our lives, never knowing how many really do love and care for us.  If only we'd take the time more often to tell not only family but dear friends just how much they mean to us. 

Myself included.

9 comments:

LC said...

My heart goes out to you both and your grief compounded by what pierces you as a missed opportunity. In reality, I'll bet from years of shared experiences, that good friend knew and appreciated the bonds of friendship with your husband.

Your quote at the top of your post about the memories is so true and a blessing to me today. My mother died Dec. 6 and I am so thankful for all the good memories. A post full of real life and wisdom. Thanks. Stay warm and have a blessed weekend!

Mom said...

Life is a fragile thing. Knowing we are loved is the greatest of gifts.
Sue

Anonymous said...

Hmm, seems his friend would have appreciated a card MORE from your hubby. Don't take on guilt like that, dear. In the scope of things, it will be ok. And it was not so long since he saw his friend too. It is true we need to act on things when we are impressed to do them. Was it you who was impressed or him?? Hmmm....
(Buy a number of such cards to have on hand for such ocassions...sure has saved us countless extra trips to town to have some on hand. Especially when they are on sale or a good price.) We are in the "saying goodbye" age now...and it is not easy. One of my friends called last week saying she might be on her way out...but she recovered. But one day that day will come...I sent her flowers this week, just because.
Blessings and sympathy in your loss.

Margaret said...

Very hard situation, but your hubby could have and should have sent a card himself, if it meant so much to him. I would still have regrets though; it's how I am!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Hugs to you as well, Miss Kris! Thank you for your sweet words. I'm doing the best I can to not get discouraged but the prayers are helping me out, bigtime.

So sorry to hear about your hubby's dear friend. The memories that they shared together are worth way more than the stamp that would be placed on a card. No need to regret. I pray for comfort for your dh. So tough to lose someone unexpectedly. Take care!

MissKris said...

I think that's the reason why the card request got shuffled to the side in the busyness of life. Before we moved here I had boxes of all kinds of cards from Dayspring. Then, in the move they got put away in one of the packing bins/boxes and I haven't unearthed them yet. Otherwise, sending the card off wouldn't have been a problem. Needless to say, I sat down at the computer yesterday and ordered several new boxes! :-) And don't be too hard on Dear Hubby. He comes from an old-fashioned family where cards were a 'woman' thing. I've just gone along with it thru the years. One of those marital compromises.

Pam said...

So sorry for the loss of your husband's friend. What a shock. I completely understand why you feel the way you do about the card. I'm the card buyer/sender in my family, too, and I can easily imagine the same thing happening to me. I love the idea of having a stock pile of cards on hand. I definitely should do that. As it is, I have to run out tomorrow and buy three cards for birthdays this week. It would be a lot easier if I just had a stash here. I think I'll stock up tomorrow. Hugs to you my friend. And condolences to your dear hubby.

Judy said...

Oh Kris. I am sooo sorry.

Anita said...

It's not "the card" for either one of you. It just symbolizes the grief, frustration, fear and other emotions that your dear friend's death has prompted.

Those male/female roles and expectations can be rough. :) When the dust settles, perhaps the two of you can express your feelings more calmly.

I'm sorry about G. He sounds like he was a good man.