Thursday, November 1, 2012

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God's finger on man's shoulder. ~ Charles Morgan

This is a photo of Dear Hubby and me taken not too long after we'd been married. Weren't we a couple of young kids?! Oh my word, when I look back and think of how we thought we were so grown up.  We were both around 21 at the time. 38 1/2 years later...well, we've been thru tough times and we've been thru good times. Thankfully, the good times far outnumber the bad ones. Our love for each other has strengthened thru the years and I can't imagine life without him.

But, you know, the years do march on. We're beginning to see more and more of our contemporaries dying. Both my parents are gone and Dear Hubby's dad as well. His mother is in her 80s and getting more frail with each passing year. We're gradually becoming the "older" generation.  Now, there's a sobering thought.

Sometimes we talk about what we might do if one of us dies, how we'll handle being alone. Both of us are adamant in saying we wouldn't marry again. I can almost guarantee I wouldn't. I am very solitary by nature and independent and I think I would survive ok. I won't know that for sure until it happens, and I pray it doesn't for a long time. Dear Hubby...well, I'm pretty sure he won't remarry either. As some of the spouses of our friends are dying and we're seeing the survivor trying to get back into the dating game at 50, 60, and even up into their later doesn't seem to be too appealing. For one, especially if you've been married a long time, you're so used to the habits, the sounds, the presence of your spouse the idea of adjusting yourself to allow another person into your life seems pretty overwhelming.  At least it does to Dear Hubby and me. What if a new guy chews with his mouth open? What if a new lady wears stinky perfume? What if he's addicted to sports and game shows and has the TV on 24/7? What if she's a "Honey Do-lister" and expects Dear Hubby to spend his time on little projects that fill up his weekend? What if her adult kids don't like him? And what if his adult kids don't like her? It happens, more often than not, because this new person in your life is intruding on the children's memories, the spaces inhabited in their lives, of the parent who is gone. And dating! It was hard enough at 16, trying to impress someone of the opposite sex. I can't imagine having to start....all...over...again.  From square one. There are plenty of times when Dear Hubby and I go out to dinner and hardly say a word to each other, but it's a comfortable quietness. Same thing here at home when we're reading together and listening to music. We don't have to fill the air with chatter. If we have something to say, we say it. We have both said the idea of going out on a date and having to make conversation is exhausting!

I have had two children and three operations. I have silvery-white hair and wear glasses. I am no longer slender and lanky like I was at 21. I have scars and wrinkles and droops. But am I self-conscious in front of Dear Hubby? Goodness no.  He's been here with me every step of the way, and I with him.  We don't see the physical changes so much...we see the richness and beauty of the life we've created together, for ourselves and our children and our grandchildren.

I don't want to share that with some interloper, some stranger, who comes along. What Dear Hubby and I have is something rare and precious and I don't see it ever being repeated with someone else.

We both have said we'll get a dog, tho.


Shelly said...

Love this post! So well said-

Judy said...

Beautiful beautiful post Kris.
And that picture? WOOONDERFUL!

Pat said...

Oh Kris, this is so special, and I do believe the names and length of marriage could be changed and it would describe our life.
My prayer is for our future generations to be as blessed in their marriages as we have been.

LC said...

Your post articulates my thoughts on the subject. Hubby and I talked about the possibility recently, but not the remarriage, dating thing. Rather, what we need to work on so I can be independent after my 2011 stroke.

Meal prep would be a challenge as I have little use of left arm and hand. Plus microwave ready-to-go meals are usually heavy in salt, a no no for me. We are working on strategies. I, like you, am blessed with God's gift of a great mate.

LC said...

Oh, and your ending dog comment cracked me up.

Simone said...

I loved this so much because it makes me realize just how hard it is to start over and why. I am going on my second year of marriage and although I love my J and what we have, it isn't easy adjusting to all of the things are unfamiliar.

What a cute ending to this. I hope you both get the dog of your dreams.

Diane said...

Kris, this is a topic I may blog on some day, but wanted to drop you a line to thank you for sharing. My hubby has solved this dilemma by announcing that he is dying first, and that's that. He does not want to be alone, nor try dating again. He has made his decision :)

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

statistically, it's usually the woman who is left after her husband has passed away. I can think of two ways to out-smart the odds:
1. marry a much younger man
2. marry a REAL gentleman. Gentlemen let the lady go first.

A great post, Kris.

Anita said...

You've covered it all, Kris!

Though I'm not far behind you in age, I've been married only 18 years, yet I get all that you've said.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I really like this post. Something about the photo caught my eye - I have a picture of myself and my ex in almost the same pose at almost the same time.

We are not still married, though have been friends for over 40 years now and will be spending Christmas with our children and grandchildren.


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