Friday, March 21, 2008

And so it goes...

It's Friday evening and we've managed to make it thru another week. Tomorrow is my father-in-law's funeral so it's going to be another full, busy day. I have Dylan on Monday and Tuesday and then my daughter-in-law begins her maternity leave. I told her this morning when she dropped him off I'm already suffering from anxiety separation. He's been such a constant and huge part of my daily life for the past two years it's going to feel very strange not having him here with me every day.

As it stands right now, it looks like I'll be going in for my surgery in the first few days of April. I'm waiting to hear from my doctor's office for the actual date. Today they contacted my insurance and were supposed to be contacting the hospital for an open time in the operating schedule. I'm hoping I'll hear something on Monday. I must admit those few days between Dylan's last day with me and my surgery are something I'm really looking forward to. Since my last hemorrhage I am so wiped out again, it's taken everything in me to make it thru this week. I told Dear Hubby the other day that I don't feel I've been as good at supporting him thru his father's death as he'd been in the past with helping me thru the deaths of my parents. I've got so much on my mind right now. But he told me I'm doing a great job so that eased my feelings of guilt. But now I won't be able to help out after Cooper arrives and I'm feeling pretty badly about that. Dear Hubby and both my doctors gave me the what-for on that, tho, and told me for once in my life I need to focus on me. That is such a strange concept. But I know I need to do all that I can to get back on my feet the next couple of months so I'll be ready when my d-i-l goes back to work.

I guess I got a clean bill of health from my regular doctor who I visited on Tuesday, so there's no problem in having the surgery. But when Dear Hubby and I went to see my gynecologist yesterday for a consultation to let her know what kind of surgery I'd decided on, the first thing she said as she came into the exam room was, "We need to talk!" That kind of took me aback for a moment and I said, "Well, sure!" not knowing what she meant exactly. She told us that a hysterectomy now is must, not an option. In the two months I'd been off my medication, my condition had escalated from the 'simple' form to the 'complex' form. Luckily my biopsy was clean, but she said the next step, especially at the rate this had progressed to complex so quickly, is uterine cancer. So. Out with everything, I told her, which is what we'd decided upon anyway. Hopefully all will go well but she does have some concern because of my vertical c-section...old adhesions from that could complicate things a bit. Whatever, you know?! At this stage I just want it over and to feel better!!!

Another one just wanting it over is my poor daughter-in-law. She is SO pregnant and SO miserable. It looks more and more like a c-section, too. I know how I felt after mine and knowing I can't help...well, it depresses me. But, really. I can't focus on that right now. I can't seem to focus on much of anything as it is. To give you an example, last nite I tried to divide $175.60 by 2 and do you think I could remember how to do it?! I had to go ask my daughter. I could not get my mind to function.

As for Dear Hubby, he's doing pretty well considering. He took today off from work and went out to the archery range in St. Helens and spent a few hours out there, target shooting and just reflecting on things. His mom is doing pretty well, too. As for my father-in-law, I'm sure he's just thankful to be over all that suffering and is enjoying being reunited with all the loved ones who've passed on before him.


Jane Doh ! said...

Kris...give my condolences to your Husband, I'm only just catching up now and I feel dreadful that I didn't get to say this sooner. I will be thinking of you.

(((((((((( double hugs ))))))))))

verabear said...


Danielle Sends You A Heartfelt Hug said...

Be kind to yourself!!!

Anonymous said...

Life holds a lot of hard places and you are surely in one now!! But you SHOULD feel much better once surgery is over and you have recovered. Be prepared to not feel very good at all those first 24 hours. When I awoke in recovery after mine, I was thinking "I THOUGHT I would feel better"...but once they gave me shots for the pain, etc. it was ok. It certainly helped my quality of life all these years. Will be thinking of you and asking the FATHER to be with you in all of this!!

HORIZON said...

What an amount of goings on Kris, in your life just now- from one end of the spectrum to the other- no wonder you feel the way you do. Focus on the good things, not the passing but new birth, not the worry of surgery (we’ll worry for you) but feeling new and well again after and the joy of playing with wee Dylan and new baby. l know you do this already but take the advice and focus more on you!!
It has just started to snow here as l type this- beautiful thick and soft snow falling- l’m thinking of you and sending warmth and prayers.