Saturday, June 14, 2008

No Time

I am home. Alone. Not even Chloe dog is here. And it feels. Absolutely. Delicious! Those quiet days of post-surgical healing seem like a tiny blip on the radar screen of my life. Once the little guys arrived again on June 2nd, it's been fast forward ever since. No looking back. No time to look back!

Last Saturday I spent most of the day with my wonderful friend Ivona. We spent 3 1/2 hours eating lunch and then sitting at the table afterwards to catch up and visit. I told her when we first sat down, "I don't know if I remember how to talk to another adult woman. My days are filled up with 'Do you want to watch 'Super Why'? Do you need a new diaper? Be careful with the baby -- don't drop that on his head! Chloe, back off!' " Ivona just laughed...she said she feels the same way, now that her husband is newly retired and she's surrounded by testosterone, being the only woman in the house -- her adult son lives at home, too. Another friend, Jean, stopped by to see Dylan and Cooper and brought a gift for the baby. A bouquet of bright yellow tulips for me! I wrote in my thank you note to her: "I don't know which brightened my day more, the tulips or the lovely visit I had with you!" But did that happen this past week or the week before? I can't remember...the weeks are so busy they just blur past me.

Remember the song "No Time" by the Guess Who? Dear Hubby made a comment last nite that got me to prickling a little bit under the collar. He said, "I think you've bitten off more than you can chew this time." With my hackles high and bristling for a fight I asked him, "Why on earth would you say that?!" "Because there's so much for you to do! I'm just saying it out of concern," he assured me. That settled me down a little bit. I told him that I'm used to having no time for myself during the day. Nothing new there! So he said, "But you're so tired!" and I said, "I was tired at the end of the day 30 years ago when I was caring for our two, too, you know." And I was! Child care is not easy. In fact, last weekend we went to Kelso for a birthday surprise party for one of Dear Hubby's cousins and as I sat out on the deck talking to a man who's married to another one of Dear Hubby's cousins, I mentioned to him I'm "just a stay-at-home Grandma taking care of my two little grandsons." He admonished me, "Don't you DARE say "just"....taking care of little ones is more than a full time job!" He's a teacher...he ought to know! So I backtracked and said yes, he was so right. I'm averaging between 10-11 hours per day taking care of Cooper and Dylan. But is it a hardship? No. Would I want to be doing anything else with my life at this stage? No. I honestly do feel it's a privilege to have such a hands-on involvement in their early lives. And it's rather daunting to think that most of the character they develop will mirror itself back to me. I'm with them 50-55 waking hours of their day each week. But I had a major part in the upbringing of my younger brother and my two children and the three of them have grown into very good people. I must be doing something right.

I was going to write about quickly I get sidetracked! I've recently read a couple of interesting entries by Oregon bloggers...Uniquely Normal and EdwardjoninOregon...and their concerns about having IRL friends and family having access to their blogs. It's funny how, when we first start out, we bloggers love telling everyone we know that we now have a blog and we're pretty free in tossing out our blog address this way and that for anyone who is interested in reading it to catch! And then...when comments and/or emails begin coming in from these people we love/like/are related to who read what we have to say...we begin to wonder what possessed us to want them to read our personal thoughts in the first place. Not all who find us have been given our website addresses...some have accidentally found us thru Google or other search engines. I have had a few...uncomfortable...moments when I first began blogging, realizing I should keep other peoples'/family lives out of my writing. I've realized it's better to stick to myself mostly, and Dear Hubby and the grandkids. I'm kind of funny as to whose first names I use. And I'm much more selective as to who I give my blog address to. But do I really feel I censor my writing itself? No. Not that I have time to do much now. I haven't even been finding time in the evenings as I transition back into caring for the kids, what with my daughter-in-law working longer hours right now as she transitions back in to work. Maybe once she cuts back a bit I'll have more time. And I'm getting discouraged with Site Meter. I'm not sure how accurate it is but it must be 'off' somehow because I end up getting many more votes on my Top Women's Site meter than I do for readers on Site Meter and I can't imagine that happening because readers have to come here first before they go there. Not that I am writing here to attract visitors, but I can't imagine my readership has fallen off from several thousand each month on my old blog to maybe 15 to 25 readers a day here on Blogger. Hmmmmmmmm. Maybe I should go back to the old one, ha! Oh well. As long as I have some place to come and empty out my head every few days I guess that's what really matters, no matter how many come by.

Speaking of the lack of Chloe dog being here today, our son came and picked her up last nite after he got off work. He took her in to see the vet this morning. There's something wrong with her. She's been suffering seizures the past couple of weeks and has a weird reflexive reaction whenever we stroke her down the back. She gets on these strange yipping tangents where she can't seem to 'shut off' until I come and hold her and soothe her back to quietness. She's not jumping up onto the bed much and seems to be lacking her usual energy, too. Her appetite is off. She hasn't even been crawling across the covers when I wake up in the morning to greet me at the beginning of our day. I'm pretty sure she's depressed because the kids are here and there's very little time for her now during the day. Especially after being my constant shadow and having me all to herself the past couple of months. But I'm sure this goes deeper than that.

Dear Hubby had to work today. I went out and did my shopping early and I've been busy giving the house a thorough cleaning. I went out to toss what's left of my yellow tulips onto the compost pile and as I did so I took a look-see around my back yard. I've decided I kind of like the wild jungle look back there this year. There are tons of birds and bees visiting so if they're happy, why disturb the balance? Maybe next year.

1 comment:

Liz said...

I hope Chloe is okay!