Sunday, June 15, 2008

"I Can Do It!"

If you've ever been a parent, do you remember how old your little one was when they first stated, "No! ME do it!" Pretty young, wouldn't you say? I know mine were. And now my two-year-old grandson is beginning to wiggle away stating, "No, no, no!" when he wants to do something himself. The will to become self-sufficient starts early. And yet we parents seem to want to 'fix' everything for them.

I read an interesting entry on Uniquely Normal's blog this morning about "The Fixers". The family members and loved ones who step in and want to make everything 'better'. And she finished it off by saying no matter how much we 'fixers' know we're right, it's important to let someone make and learn from their wrong decisions and mistakes. This is coming from a single person's perspective, one who has plenty of people concerned about her. And as a parent, looking at it from the 'fixers' side, I agree with her. Dear Hubby and I were very blessed to have two sets of parents, his and mine, who let us stumble and bumble along our own way as newly-marrieds. Never "I told you so!" coming from any of them. We made some pretty stupid decisions, too, that came from being gullible and inexperienced. Some of our decisions affected our lives in major ways. But time and experience taught us to be more cautious, more careful, in how we conducted ourselves and the bumps in the road smoothed out and got easier to cross over.

We have taken this knowledge into letting our own children find their way as they've grown thru life. We allowed them to make many of their own decisions as young adolescents. And as they've reached adulthood, they've had their share of wrong decisions and stumbles. And, like us, they faced them, dealt with them, and moved on. Hopefully learned, too. No one wants advice that isn't asked for. If they come to us and want advice, we're more than happy to put our two cents in. But, otherwise...we butt out. We let them alone. We let them learn and grow on their own.


Jaggy said...

Thank you so much for the links! Sometimes I wonder if what I write resonates in the blogosphere. It is humbling to know that, even in one small way, we each have a voice that can strike a chord with someone else. Your post (older) about taking your grandson to the fire station was beautiful. Thanks again!

Suburbia said...

Sounds like you have it completely right! However when they're really small it's SO hard to let them make mistakes.

Mrs. Darling said...

Yep thats how the kids learn but its so tempting to help them! :(