Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The years teach much which the days never knew. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Once upon a time I would never have posted this picture of me. I would have scrutinized it without mercy, found a million flaws, and cast it into the Recycle Bin. Now I am contemplating using it for the dust cover photo on my book if, by some miracle, my book ever gets published. I like it. I like the glow of the light reflecting off the snow that was outside the window that morning. I like how it highlights the silver in my hair. And I see some of the lines that are permanently etched and growing deeper every day in my face. I see a woman who is overall very content with her life, and I see the peace in her face.
I have come to realize as I'm getting older that because of my aversion to having my picture taken I have robbed my family of my pictorial history, so to speak. There are not very many photos of me in the thousands we have stored in various albums and boxes and storage bins. If one were to go thru them all you'd find abbreviated bits of me...and in most of them I'm expressionless or scowling. I was told early on in life that I 'took' horrible pictures, that I was ugly, and it's taken me 59 years to finally relax with it and figure, "Whatever!" I never thought I'd see that day. When I am the photographer, tho, I exercise editing rights...I took about 10 photos before I was satisfied with this one. I am happy with it because, in looking at it, I see me and I'm realizing I'm not unhappy with the person in the picture. And I never thought I'd see that day, either. But how I look at life approaching 60 is a lot different from how I viewed it approaching 50. Or 40. Or 30. Or even 20. We become much kinder to ourselves, we do. And with that comes a relaxation of spirit within us. We are who we are and, at least in my life, I've become content with that.