The future is always beginning now. ~ Mark Strand, "Reasons for Moving"

I am...almost...a new homeowner in Michigan. Our offer was accepted, the preliminary paperwork is done. The little brick bungalow is...almost...officially ours. How is it that before November I'd never even heard of Livonia, Michigan....and now Dear Hubby and I own a house there? Today Dear Hubby called me from work and said "Do you know we're moving to MICHIGAN?!" He said it suddenly hit him, what we're about to do. And the emotion he felt as he realized it was, "I'm free!!!"

Well...not, not free, exactly. No one's ever free. But the idea of a new start at a new life in a new place is pretty exhilarating. But we humans like feeling safe. And settled. And routine keeps us grounded and focused and....comfortable. I think Dear Hubby and I have just gotten tired of being comfortable. We're still young enough to set out on an adventure.

A while back a neighbor verbally attacked me about the life that I live here in Portland. He said some really hurtful things and sent me reeling. But before she died, his wife had told me he's bipolar and when he gets lazy about taking his meds he can become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He certainly showed me his dark side that day. But when I found out we were moving I told him, "You know, you told me my life is so boring and miserable I decided to do something about it. And when I decide to change, I really change!" Not that I've ever felt my life is boring or miserable, but he surely did. And he did apologize after it happened. Profusely. And we're still friends. In fact, I'm letting his cats in and out of his house while he's visiting one of his daughters at the coast this weekend. Let bygones be bygones. Life's too short to hold a grudge.

My pastor's wife messaged me on Facebook yesterday, asking me for my son's new address in Michigan. She was under the impression that he and his family had already moved. No, they're still here. But she did ask me to make sure we get our new addresses to her so we can stay in touch. I told her I could already give her our new address and I wrote it out for her. Boy, if that wasn't a surreal moment. It felt very strange after living in our house here in Portland for over 28 years. My son and his wife are flying to Detroit tomorrow to look at two houses they're trying to make their final decision on. Either one is beautiful. Either one would fit their family well. Both of them are within a few miles of our house there. What a miracle we'll be able to live in the same town! How has this happened?! GOD made it happen.

I need to head for bed. I'm meeting a niece of mine for breakfast tomorrow morning. Our official goodbye. Then breakfast with my best friend Lizzee on Sunday...we keep managing to find one.....more....day to see each other. But I really do think this one will be the last one. Sunday evening Dear Hubby's work crew is taking us out to dinner. I have Monday off but I think I'm going to tackle the kitchen cabinets and our bedroom closet shelves and take a truckload or two to Goodwill.

One more week of taking care of the grandboys. Then a couple of weeks to prepare for the move. Then filling up a huge moving van with our stuff, our daughter's stuff, the kids' stuff. Then boarding a jet for Detroit.

Would someone please wake me up? I know this has got to be a dream.....

Homeward Bound....I wish I was homeward bound....

I don't know how to start writing tonite. I don't know if I even remember how to write. My mind is so fractured and full and spilling over. I can hardly keep a cohesive thought in my head. My focus is non-existent. My daughter-in-law and I flew back to Detroit last Thursday and spent 3 whirlwind days house hunting with Bill the Real Estate Guy. A wonderful man who was so friendly, so funny, and so charming. He and I got along like a house afire and my d-i-l spent a lot of time in the back seat laughing at us. She texted my daughter, "I never knew your mom was so goofy!" My daughter texted back, "Yup. This is what I grew up with." Do I take that as an insult or a compliment?! Haha! Actually, the two of us had a great time together. I think we viewed something like 30 houses? But we finally found two that we like, within a mile of each other and only about 10 minutes from work for everyone. Dear Hubby and I are putting in an offer on Monday and we'll see where it goes. He told me as he was leaving for work that Thursday morning, "I hope you find the house of your dreams back there. You deserve it." No wonder I love the man. As long as he has a room to tinker in and to put all his hunting gear and trophies....which he will...and a place in the yard to target shoot with his longbow...which he will... he doesn't care about any of the other details. He told me wherever we've lived in these 36 years together I've always made it home...and he knows I'll do the same with this one as well.

This is the house I found. This is the house I love. This, I hope, will become home.

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~ Toni Morrison

Well, it's official now. The refrigerator magnets are all packed away. We really must be moving! All the art work and photos are boxed up. All but two of my house plants are gone, given to friends who I know will give them good homes. The glass, porcelain, and china objects from my curio and china cabinets are all lovingly wrapped up and carefully tucked away, with hopes they'll survive the 2300 mile trek 2/3 of the way across America to their new home. Which hasn't even been looked at in person, let alone bought and ready for occupancy. But that should soon change. My daughter-in-law and I are flying out of Portland around 6 am in the morning to go house hunting for a few days together. Wish us luck, not only in finding homes but also luck with the weather so we don't face all kinds of delays or, perish the thought, cancellations!

I thought when we began this amazing odyssey to Michigan that I'd find the time to blog about it and update at least halfway regularly. Well, obviously that hasn't been happening. Too much to do and too little time to do it in. It's looking more likely we'll be moving in the first part of February. We're trying to prepare our house to put it on the market as well as sort and purge and pack. As well as taking care of my grandsons 55 hours per week. As well as trying to find time to see beloved friends and family one last time before our day of departure. I feel like my sinuses are made of sponge, I've done so much crying in the past few weeks. I've always considered myself pretty strong when it comes to emotions but when you're confronted with realizing that a lot of these goodbyes are probably final ones with a lot of people...well, it's a lot to take in. With the threat of gas prices reaching $5 per gallon in the not-too-distant future, it will be a real sacrifice for any one to come or go. When we're finally in Michigan, we're finally in Michigan. Very sobering.

But still....even so....we truly feel we're doing the right thing for so many reasons, many of which I don't feel like indulging in public. Suffice it to say we're very comfortable with our decision and can see the Lord working it out, every step of the way.

I had lunch with a very dear friend on Sunday, my lunch lady buddy Miss Ivona. We met in 1996 when we both first became lunch ladies for the Portland schools. We became instant friends. As we were talking I said to her, "Now, isn't this ironic? Isn't it the human condition? We may really like or love somebody for years but it isn't until we're faced with losing them, possibly forever, where we finally come forth and tell them how much they mean to us? How much we'll miss them?" She knew exactly what I was saying. And we never did say goodbye to each other. She said if we don't see each other here again on earth we'll see each other in eternity where we'll be lunch ladies together again feeding all the baby angels. Oh, I do LOVE that woman!

And so a new chapter starts tomorrow, finding homes. I am excited and full of anticipation as we prepare to step out into our futures. As much as I've loved this old house we've lived in for the past 28 years, like my daughter said the other day, with everything coming down off the walls, the boxes stacked all over everywhere, "It doesn't really feel like home any more, Mom."

No, it doesn't.

But when those things go back up on the walls, back on the refrigerator, when my bird feeder is hung outside a window and new birds I've never seen before perch to eat, when my grandsons come rushing in to stay with me in our new house...well, it will begin to feel like home.

I truly believe that.

Home is where the heart is.

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots. The other is wings. ~ Hodding Carter, Jr.

Today was a day filled with sidewalk chalk and pulling weeds, of filling yard debris bags and checking out the tomatoes on the vines. Of walking out on the back porch this morning and watching my grandboys' mouths drop open at the site of their 'new' playsets and Dylan telling me, "Grandma, it looks like a playground out here!" Watching their delight and listening to their laughter bubble forth as they climbed up and down and slid and rocked and had the absolute time of their lives. It was a walk around the neighborhood at 6:45 in the morning, watching the world wake up and stopping at the nearby bakery for blueberry and cinnamon muffins. A day for cuddling under their 'blankies' on the front porch glider and watching a woodpecker pecking away at bugs on the sidewalk. Watching Dylan's awe and utter concentration as he tiptoed up to a hummingbird drinking from the lavender plants, getting within inches of it before it flew away. Of watching the little black-capped chickadees flying in and out of our neighbor's bird house, busy feeding their babies. Watching my grandbabies slumber peacefully during their naps.

It was a good day.

A little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to your soul. ~ Author Unknown

Oh, it has been an interesting day. I wrote this blog entry this morning asking for advice and two people have responded so far, both with very wise words of caution and support. I am very appreciative for what both had to say and I am going to follow it. Betty had a great suggestion of printing it up and giving copies to both grandboys. There are so many internet publishing companies out there now I think I'll do just that, make each grandboy a special book copy of it.

Back to the day being interesting. Around 3 pm the phone rang. Both grandboys were still napping and Dear Hubby was already home so I answered the phone even tho I didn't recognize the Caller ID, something I rarely ever do. But the other afternoon the phone rang with the same Caller ID and when I didn't recognize the name I let the answering machine pick it up and whoever was calling hung up. I figured it was a wrong number and never gave it another thought. Today when I saw the same name, same number, I answered it thinking I'd let whoever it was know that this was a wrong number. Except that it wasn't. A person very hesitantly asked me if I was the lady who'd written the article about being delivered from the occult. They told me they'd picked up a copy of the magazine and they wanted to let me know how much it had impacted their life, knowing someone else 'out there' had experienced a lot of what they had. As we spoke at length we found out we're both the same age, had similar childhoods and life experiences, were both introduced to the occult by receiving Ouija boards as gifts at the same age. They asked me at the beginning of the conversation to promise I would never, ever share any of what they were going to tell me with anyone and I gave them my word. Then they went on to tell me their life story. The similarities were eerie. I could say, "Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. Yes, yes, yes....." At the end of the conversation, when Coopy came out to the kitchen to see me after waking up, this person began to cry. They told me they couldn't even begin to tell me what it meant to them to be able to talk to someone for the first time in their life about what had happened to them. To know they could talk to me about it and know that I knew exactly what they were talking about. To know they truly aren't crazy. This person has gone on to become an established professional, a person who's won all kinds of awards for community service and contributions, who's visited many different countries around the world. But yet, for all they've accomplished, they've had this deep dark secret, this horrible burden, clouding all their happiness. They asked how I coped, if I'm still plagued by visits from the 'dark world' and I was able to pass on some advice to help them cope. It was an absolutely amazing conversation. I never dreamt when I wrote it that it would impact even one person's life, let alone to such depths in another human being. As we got ready to hang up they told me they couldn't thank me enough for being 'brave enough' to share it with the world. My only intention when I wrote it was to show God's love and tender mercy in reaching out to someone as lost as I was, and how He has the ability to turn a life completely around. If I never hear any other feedback, just knowing how much it helped this person is something I will treasure all the days of my life.