Change

It's late in the morning and I've just come in from taking little Miss Chloe dog out for a walk. The sky is dark and it began sprinkling about halfway thru our walk, but the air is so fresh and clean, the rain wasn't a bother. My hair is still damp from my morning shower so a few raindrops aren't going to hurt it.

I hardly know what to do with myself today. It's my first full day without Dylan while my daughter-in-law is on her two month maternity leave and I feel almost...bereft...like a vital part of me is missing. I find that rather strange, considering he's been away from me before for vacations and occasional days off, but never for such an extended period of time. The house is so quiet. And doing housework without a thousand interruptions...well, that felt strange, too.

It looks as if April 2nd is going to be delivery day for Cooper. My d-i-l's doctor told her yesterday they'll decide then whether to induce labor or take him by c-section, depending on his estmated birth size at that time. I am so thankful this is all happening just prior to my surgery so I can help out for at least a few days. I know Dylan's little world will be turned upside down with all the commotion and I'm thinking of offering to keep him here for a couple of days to give him some sense of stability. I know my son will want to be there for his wife, and it'll give them some time with Cooper, too. At this stage, I think we're all just going with the flow because there's still the possibility she'll go into labor all on her own.

I got a message from the Pre-Surgical unit at the hospital where I'll be having my surgery, asking if I'd had recent lab work done. If not, they needed to schedule it before my surgery, which they said will be April 7th. I got their voice mail and let them know that, yes...I'd gone in to my medical doctor for a pre-surgical check up and that included the needed labs. I had an EKG and my doctor told me I have a strong, normal heart. My blood pressure, which spikes to the roof whenever I go to see my GYN doctor -- I can't IMAGINE why! -- was down within the normal range, too, thank goodness. Hopefully everything else was ok, too.

We laid my father-in-law to rest the day before Easter. I have never been to a more touching, sweet service in my life. My father-in-law had been an invalid for almost 16 years since suffering a massive stroke on Father's Day in 1992. After such a long, long illness and many ups and downs, close calls, and the stresses of caring for him I think we'd all forgotten just how 'alive' he was when he was well. Our pastor who conducted the memorial did that for us, focusing on Dad's life before the stroke. There were many light moments...my father-in-law was a man blessed with a very dry, sarcastic humor...and many memories shared by Dear Hubby, his mom, and sisters. He was laid to rest near a huge fir tree, overlooking empty fields with the Cascade Mountains in the distance, a perfect spot for someone who loved the outdoors as much as he did.

This is such a surreal time. I keep forgetting I'm going in for surgery and then, when it hits me, it almost staggers me. Since my second hemorrhage, tho, I haven't felt very well...so exhausted, and I keep spotting even with the double-dose of hormonal drugs I'm taking to keep another hemorrhage at bay. So...this is the best decision we could make. I fully believe that. And I want to thank all of you who've come by to tell me you're praying for me or I'm in your thoughts...I can't tell you the strength and comfort I take in knowing that others are holding me up to our Heavenly Father, the One who truly holds tomorrow in His hands.