I won't be able to post this view and call it home much longer. The days are winding down fast now as we prepare to move. My daughter-in-law finished up work at her old job on Friday and is now at home with my grandsons for the next couple of weeks so it's my turn to dig in and begin seriously sorting, purging, and packing. I have half a dozen boxes piled here in the dining room that hold the contents of my built-in china closet and my curio cabinet. I stopped at the Goodwill on the way to church this morning and dropped off two big garbage bags filled with cast-off clothes from mine and Dear Hubby's closet. Tomorrow I will tackle the shelves in it. My collection of Gladys Taber books I have stored up there. Three baseball gloves. My sewing kit. Several gift bags filled with other gift bags, gift tags, tissue paper, and whatnot. My paper bag filled with my old collection of paper dolls I've been keeping with me since I was a little girl and which have accompanied me on 10 moves in 36 years. There's a package of unused Christmas wrapping paper. More cobwebs and dust bunnies than I care to claim. Life's clutter.I had meant to keep a running record of this huge odyssey in my life. I had thought I'd find time to put down my thoughts and feelings at least a few times per week. I've thought a lot of things these past couple of months. But I'm finding there's too much cluttering up my head as well as my closets and shelves. My head is a jumble of fractured fragments...of things to do that are forgotten almost as soon as they're thought of. Of loose ends that need to be taken care of. Things I need to get set up in Michigan so our transition there goes as smoothly as possible. Car insurance, home insurance, change of address, change of internet and TV service. Change, change, change. Nothing seems to stand still.
And yet, as things spiral around me in a whirlwind of activity, I feel myself in the calm of the storm. I begin to feel myself get stressed and then I think, "What's there to worry about?" Every single step of the way, every little detail, every big detail, has fallen right into place. Every bump in the road, every glitch...they seem to just smooth out and it's onward and forward. No looking back. People keep saying to me as I say more and more goodbyes the closer we come to our departure date, "You'll be back for visits!" I don't know that I will. I have this feeling deep inside that when I board that jet and head east, this part of my life will be behind me. I will treasure the memories, the friendships, the beauty of Oregon, the life I lived here....but the future lies ahead of me and that's where my focus is set now. My new home, my new city. I want to go. I want it done. I want to get on with it.
5 comments:
"I want to go. I want it done. I want to get on with it."
I remember when we moved from "the centre of the universe" to a very small town in the middle of nowhere (my first pastorate). But we were young, and new at things, and ready for the adventure.
Now (forty years later), we're living in a university city not too far from the small town. I've been back to "the centre of the universe" to visit, but that really is long past being home.
I think I understand some of what you're feeling. And you put it so well!
Thank you for this reassuring post: reassuring that you continue to persevere with determination, grace and faith and reassuring that--despite your lament to the contrary -- your insightful commentary and the willingness to share burn as bright as ever. Prayers still coming your way!
I love your description of your fragmented thoughts. I find that when I'm feeling pulled in a million directions, it helps to write those thoughts down as soon as they occur. I keep pads of paper and pens all over my house - including in the bathroom. I seem to remember all kinds of things I'm supposed to do, get or take care of when I'm putting on my makeup and doing my hair. You said it well... "Life's a clutter"! Good luck!
Always tough to leave, and one has to know that it takes a couple years to get settled in the new. Just think of all the new things you get you encounter - Tiger baseball, Great Lakes, small lakes, canoeing on rivers, Detroit zoos, Bell Isle, college sports, ah, I quit here. But I understand having to leave. But just look ahead. New adventure. You are brave.
And you got to get that house in order. How fun! Oh, and winter almost over in Michigan - well in two and a half more months. Best of luck.
I do think there are times in life when you have to move on - a new adventure. I admire your courage and calm Kris- you're a great role model for us all. The way you write- it makes me feel that l'm right there with you.
This type of transition is never easy and just the thought of what's in my own attic gives me the willies!! (shiver..)
Your adventure reminds me of a song from school assembly,
"One more step along the world I go,
one more step along the world I go;
from the old things to the new
keep me traveling along with you:
And it's from the old I travel to the new;
keep me traveling along with you.
Round the corner of the world I turn,
more and more about the world I learn;
all the new things that I see
you'll be looking at along with me
As I travel through the bad and good,
keep me traveling the way I should;
where I see no way to go
you'll be telling me the way, I know
Give me courage when the world is rough,
keep me loving though the world is tough;
leap and sing in all I do,
keep me traveling along with you
You are older than the world can be,
you are younger than the life in me;
ever old and ever new,
keep me traveling along with you
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